Failure scares us. As we look ahead to Valentine’s Day this weekend in the USA I thought we should talk about 5 reasons why relationships fail or aren’t as successful as you want them to be.
Lack of persistence and discipline: A relationship only lasts and endures if you don’t give up and keep putting in the time and effort to keep it not only alive but thriving. One of the things I always tell couples I work with is how important it is to have date nights/times. You may think that dating is only for pre-marriage convincing and getting to know you. However, dating gives you and your partner the chance to catch up, be adults, and nurture your relationship, but only when done consistently.
Lack of conviction: if you aren’t fully on board with the relationship your actions and attitudes will reflect that. You won’t do all that it takes to make the relationship work, you will think more about your doubts than your hopes, and you’ll constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop and your partner to call it quits. If you’re not fully invested in the relationship your partner will know that and won’t want to fully participate either.
Rationalization: instead of taking the time to really work things through and come to solutions and answers that work for everyone all too often we just make up stories and lies to make ourselves feel better. However, in doing this we’re injecting doubt and possibly irrational fears into our relationship, and usually end up making mountains out of molehills or not seeing the issue for the iceberg it is.
Dismissal of past mistakes (without learning): forgiveness is absolutely necessary in every relationship, but the forgiveness is only worth it if you’ve taken the time to learn from what went wrong so you don’t repeat it. It may take a couple of tries to not do it again, but you won’t ever be over it or stop it if you don’t know what went wrong.
Poor self esteem: I close with this one because it’s the one that many people struggle with the most: believing they 110% are worth an amazing relationship. I fully believe that there is a special someone out there for each of us, someone who will treat you with the respect, honor, love, joy, and patience you deserve. There is no reason why you can’t have your happily ever after, it may take kissing a few frogs first though.
What relationship challenge will you work on this week?