Reality Reflection: The Myth of Catching Up?

Lately it seems like all I’ve been doing is trying to catch up. It’s not always my fault either, like when the weather is bad and adjusts my plans for me, or when ants decide my house looks great to live in and stops the work I was doing, or other people change their plans and delay mine. I don’t cause any of those things, but as a result things I’m trying to get done or places I’m trying to go become exponentially more challenging, and things get pushed off because other things are of higher priority. While I have some more to manage in my life than others, I do know that others have even more they’re trying to manage than I am, and it got me wondering if anyone ever truly catches up on their whole to do list.

I think it is a good lesson in learning to prioritize, making sure that we are doing what’s important and letting go of what’s not really important. It’s also a good teacher of patience, that we learn to be patient with ourselves and others. Finally, it’s also a good lesson in alternatives and being able to restructure, reconsider, redo or find options that work.

As I was thinking about catching up, I got to thinking about change and how some say that change isn’t good or they don’t like it. I don’t know about you, but I like to change my clothes each day and I like when the weather changes to be warm again, and people like to change to a partner that’s more loving and caring. Often change can be good., and we experience many of the same emotions when it comes to change as we do catching up. We feel feelings of frustration and fear when we’re behind or not on board with the change, and we experience happiness and excitement when we experience good changes and catch up on things.

So I don’t believe that ‘change is good’ is a myth, I think it’s definitely possible for change to be good, depending on the situation. I don’t know if it’s truly possible to ever be all caught up though, because with each new day we’re given new things that have to be tackled, even if they’re the same things we did the day before like eating or getting the kids to school. Maybe the point isn’t about getting caught up, but being productive and slowly but steadily getting things done.

Reality Reflection: Seeing the Signs

The other week I was at the grocery store and saw they had zip bags on sale and decided to pick up a box of the gallon ones. They weren’t on my list but I couldn’t remember the last time I bought any, so I got them. Fast forward to this week and late Friday night after the shopping and such had been done, I discovered the kitchen had been invaded by ants. Exactly what anyone and everyone wants at the end of a busy holiday week. Not to mention the work I still had to do and sleep I hadn’t gotten and had thought I was about an hour from. Several hours, several large storage bags and the box of gallon zip bags later, I had it mostly under control, with some help from some bug spray and a hard object or two.

Closets are one of those things that you look at and say, yea, I probably should clean that occasionally, but it is quite a bit of work to take it all out (although it’s less work when you’re not fighting with ants at the same time). As I stood to survey the scattered kitchen in the light of day today, I reflected on the ant I had seen earlier in the week but not thought much of and on how thankful I was to have bought the bags and have other large zip bags always on hand.  It was a reminder that the universe, God, and others all send clues in our direction. Sometimes it’s something to tuck away, say about Christmas gift ideas. But other things like ants are a little stronger wake up call that something needs to be checked or addressed.

Which also got me thinking about the mixed bag that Christmas can be and the signs and reminders that are so visible and apparent this time of year. Shopping can be an extremely stressful endeavor, some people are in such a rush and somehow don’t care or see that everyone else is right there with them, and it can be stressful if you have to get together with people you don’t really know or like. You also can’t forget the stories of Scrooge and the Grinch, and think of people in your life who may be like them sometimes.

When the stress is overwhelming us and we’re dealing with unpleasant people, it’s important to take in the signs around us and remembered what the season is supposed to be about. If Mary and Joseph can deal with all they did before Jesus was born, I think we can wait a little in line at stores. If we hear Christmas songs, it should remind us to celebrate, to give, to love and find joy in our hearts. Putting up ornaments and decorations that have been passed down should be an opportunity to remember and honor those people. Pay attention to the signs in your life, it may help you have your best Christmas season ever.

Reality Reflection: Strength and Beauty

This past week in the UK there was another royal wedding, Princess Eugenie married Jack Brooksbank. One of the big stories of this event was, unsurprisingly, about her dress, but not for reasons that people typically discuss it. Her dress made a point of showing her back scars from her surgery as a child.  You would have to be close to see the scar, it’s not something that’s noticeable from a distance, but it’s certainly there to see if you’re standing close to her.

Yes, it’s brave and makes a clear statement for all children who have surgery or deal with an illness. It shows them that it doesn’t matter who you are, anyone can have to deal with physical challenges, and anyone can overcome them to live a happy life and get married or be in healthy, committed relationships.  But it also shows a huge measure of confidence and self acceptance she has for herself and her body, something that many people who don’t have visible scars struggle with.

I don’t know what I would do in her situation, whether I would want to go with something that covered it or show it proudly to the world.  I might want to cover it not because I was ashamed of it but because I wouldn’t feel the need to show it off.  But at the same time it would be a part of who I am and my life story, so it might be something I would want to show, like someone would pick a dress that would show their tattoos.

Ultimately, it’s a celebration of two people committing to spend their lives together, and the outfit choices are strictly their choice and should be whatever makes them feel most comfortable and look their best on their special day.  It’s our job to celebrate with them, and love them for the people that they are.

Free to be Honest and Open

Lately I’ve been captured by the TalkSpace commercial featuring Michael Phelps. For those who haven’t seen the commercial you can watch it here, and if you’re not familiar with TalkSpace it’s an online/phone therapy help line. Now that you’ve seen the commercial (spoiler alert) what has interested me with the commercial is how clear Phelps is with the fact that he’s struggled and that he wishes he had gotten help earlier.

I’m humbled by his willingness to speak about the issues he’s faced and may still be facing. Often we look at celebrities as people who must have their lives together, when in fact that’s not the case and their celebrity status is actually hiding serious struggles from the world, something we saw at the beginning of the summer with two celebrity suicides. It’s not easy to admit that you’re not as perfect as the world sees you or thinks you are.

But more people are speaking up about their challenges, weaknesses, failings and struggles. Why? Because we’re all human. While leaders do have a responsibility to be their best and set a good example, no one is perfect and most people have at least one ‘dark night of the soul’ in their lives. It’s not about flaunting failures or issues, but about speaking to other people with honesty and openness about your struggles so they can relate and hopefully feel comfortable getting help like you have.

Don’t let your weaknesses or challenges hold you back, choose to get the help you need so you can move on and live your life more fully. You’re not alone in the world with your issues and thanks to internet advances there are ways that you can get help without ever visiting an office or feeling forced to share parts of your life with the whole world.   Will you choose honesty today?

Dealing with Life Experiences

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” Byron Katie

Byron Katie is well known for “The Work.” If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a simple process anyone can do to understand and address problems with clarity. It’s a simple process but can bring honest healing to yourself and any others involved.

When we talk about personal victories, one thing that has to always come up is that before the victory comes the challenge. You can’t be victorious in something if you haven’t gone through the journey to get there. Sometimes the journey is more challenging than others, but each journey comes with the opportunity to learn something, to experience grace, to share forgiveness, and to grow personally or professionally. The sooner that we accept that life is full of challenges which bring us to victories, the easier it will be to approach those challenges.

When you fight something every step of the way it only becomes more difficult. When you complain about the terrible lot in life you’ve received it makes it more difficult. When you impatiently wait for the pot of gold to just show up in your lap instead of searching for a rainbow it makes things more difficult. One of the biggest choices we each have to make in our lives is whether we’ll accept the simplicity laid out by Byron Katie or continue to fight our lives and our journeys every step of the way.

I encourage you to see what happens in your life journey this week as a gift, not as a hardship, not as God spiting you, not as punishment, and not as a chore.

The Wisdom of Nelson Mandela

One of the great men of all time was born 100 years ago yesterday: Nelson Mandela.  He endured through many challenges and struggles, yet never gave up, never gave up hope and always tried to do the best for everyone involved.  He’s a great example of what’s possible when you do your best, be your best, and lead regardless of the challenges in your past.  So today I thought we’d honor his life by taking a look at some of the great wisdom he shared.  

“To deny people their human rights is to challenge their very humanity.”

“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.”

“Courageous people do not fear forgiving, for the sake of peace.”

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.”

“Even if you have a terminal disease, you don’t have to sit down and mope. Enjoy life and challenge the illness that you have.”

“People respond in accordance to how you relate to them. If you approach them on the basis of violence, that’s how they’ll react. But if you say, ‘We want peace, we want stability,’ we can then do a lot of things that will contribute towards the progress of our society.”

I want to close with an invitation for you to read what other people had to say about the great man.  The words they chose to honor this man reveals yet again what a distinguished, caring and exceptional man he was.  How has Nelson Mandela touched you?

From Feeling Stuck to Freedom

Feeling stuck? Yes, we all get there at different points in time during our lives. Summer is a great time to work through being stuck because we’ve typically got some extra downtime to work with, and long drives or hours on the beach with which to do the thinking. So if you’re feeling stuck here are some things to consider:

First, start with honesty. If you’re really serious about moving past being stuck, it starts with being honest about why you’re stuck and what’s making you feel stuck. Part of that honesty is knowing whether or not you’re willing to take the necessary actions to get over being stuck, or if you’re just in need of some venting time (and there’s nothing wrong with that).

Once you’ve decided that you are ready to make changes in your life and you’re done with being stuck it may help if you journal out your feelings and situations and examples, that way you can just dump and consider each issue after you’ve gotten it all out. You may have an idea of what’s frustrating you and holding you back, but writing it out can help reveal things you didn’t even know were an issue.

Then it’s time to talk about getting free. Freedom from being stuck will include new actions you’ll include and things you’ll remove from your life. It’s not likely that you’ll just add some things to your life (like eating more fruits and vegetables), it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll be removing, decreasing or stopping some things as well (like the number of times you stop for ice cream each week).

Moving forward it may be right for you to go cold turkey and make some really big changes all at once, but for other people they’re just as successful taking it one smaller step at a time. Regardless of how you do it, make sure you’ve got the support you need to do it and you’ve told the important people in your life about the change you’re making so that they can try to be considerate of the life change you’re working on. Who knows, they may want to join you in making those changes as well!

So what’s got you feeling stuck this week and what are you going to do about it?