Reality Reflection: Seeing our Freedoms

This weekend and specifically on Monday in the US we’re celebrating Memorial Day. This month has been an interesting adventure for myself, my partner and my family, and even though there have been lots of challenges and changes, many of them have reminded me exactly how grateful I am of all the freedom I have in my life to make the choices that I make. As limited as we are in some of our choices, like having to work and sometimes having to accept where we live because we can’t afford anything bigger/better/elsewhere, usually there’s still choices to be made and thankfully we’ve got more than one option to consider.

We’ve talked about how capable we each are, that we’re often able to do things we didn’t think we could, and it is true that we could do a lot of different jobs or live a lot of different places if that was our only option. During WW2 and some other wars many people were asked to work different jobs (or work instead of being at home) to pick up the slack for those who were off fighting or to help create the products that were needed for the war. So yes, we’re all capable of doing many jobs, but that doesn’t mean we like to do them or we’re best qualified for them or we feel the best about ourselves and our contributions when we’re doing them. So in many ways freedom is about having the ability to choose the contribution you are making in the world.

But we have so many more freedoms to be thankful for, like being able to choose who our significant other is, being able to watch thousands of TV shows and movies, being able to travel to most parts of the world, being able to choose what we eat, being able to choose our faith, being able to choose what we read, being able to choose what we do with our spare time, being able to choose if we’ll raise children (whether we’re able to have them naturally or adopt them), and being able to choose what we wear, just to name a few. And this weekend we’re remembering and being thankful for the freedom to live without constant threat of war thanks to the men and women who put their lives on the line for us.

When faced with all the challenges, changes and responsibilities in our lives, we sometimes forget that behind them are really decisions we’ve made in the freedom to make decisions. What freedoms are you thankful for?

Just Take the First Step

The past couple of weeks I’ve been working with some new clients, both business and organizing clients, and what frequently comes up is the topic of overwhelm. I totally understand because it can be really easy to see all of the things that aren’t working, or to know all of the things you’re supposed to do, and to either not have the time to tackle them because you’ve got other things that take higher priority or you just don’t know where to start anymore because it’s so much. Sometimes that overwhelm becomes a distraction all by itself and almost becomes an item on your to-do list because you’re trying to manage all the other stuff and yet the overwhelm keeps poking you and reminding you about what you haven’t done yet.

Which is where one of the biggest truths in the world comes from: the first step is the hardest and most important. So if I’m doing organizing or I’m writing up a marketing plan or doing some other type of work or analysis for a client, I rarely go with just my first round or first draft. It’s called a first round/draft/try for a reason, after all. So while your first try or first round or first effort doesn’t have to be perfect, what matters most is that you get out there and do something.

Overwhelm doesn’t go away because you’ve done one closet or made a social post or updated the pictures on your website or made an appointment to talk with your counselor or coach, but it’s a lot easier to accept and process when you see that some progress is being made. Progress doesn’t have to equal perfection, and perfection should never be the goal because almost everything is always a work in progress.

So go ahead and take the first step. Empty out a closet and donate/throw out stuff from it even if you don’t have time to fully organize it. Schedule social posts, create a social ad, engage with some other companies and people, even if your efforts amount to just 30 minutes a week, that’s better than putting it off or not doing it at all. Update your Home page on your website, even if you don’t have time or content to update everything else. Buy a fruit or vegetable for snack times or cook one healthier-than-normal meal this week, even if you aren’t ready or interested in eating like an athlete. Book a single session with a coach or counselor, don’t feel like you have to commit to months or years of working with that one person. Take a walk around the block once a week even if you’re not ready to get a gym membership or commit to a rigorous workout schedule. Take a free online intro course to the topic that you’re considering going back to school on to see if further education is right for you right now.

What matters is that you take the first step (and it has to be one of action, not just planning). What step will you take today?

Rest and Peace

This week I’ve been reading through the story of Job. It’s an interesting and in-depth look at one man who knows God and loves God, and what happens when his life doesn’t go as it always has. Most of the book is spent on monologues and discussions between Job and his friends, and God and Job. As you read the words, you really feel like you’re right there with Job struggling and sorrowful and initially unable to comprehend what turn your life has taken. And then you’re there directly hearing from God, something that doesn’t happen in this great detail and length too often, and it’s both humbling and exciting. Thankfully, Job’s experience isn’t a lasting one (although I believe his faith would have gotten him through if it did last longer), and his life turns back around and he’s blessed once more after this period of testing.

So as often happens when we go through periods of challenge, Job didn’t experience rest or peace during the bulk of the story. When you’re fighting and being challenged as Job was, often that’s the first thing to go because your mind races, your heart pounds, your stress levels are up and you keep moving trying to stay above water (figurative or literal). I’m sure Job never forgot this experience or the sons and daughters he lost as a result of this test, but he didn’t let it hold him back forever and he chose to move forward with his life with God’s blessing.

For many of us it’s been a trying almost year and a half since 2020, some of us don’t feel we’ve gotten rest or are just starting to be able to rest and find some peace again, although it’s a tentative peace. We’ve also got Memorial Day coming up on Monday, honoring and remembering the men and women who died fighting for our country. Sadly many veterans continue to fight battles even when they’re home and not at war, not finding rest or peace because the rest of us don’t always understand or choose to address the needs they have as a result of standing up for the rest of us.

Job wasn’t alone in his struggles, he had both his friends and God there with him. Since 2020 as a world we’ve been reminded how important it is to be there for each other, something I hope continues as we move into whatever comes next. While there are 3 days throughout the year that remind us of our veterans and the families of those who lost loved ones who were fighting, 3 days of 365 isn’t good enough and we all need to do better as a nation for the men and women and their families who are part of our military past and present.

I encourage you to pay more attention to both your needs for rest and support as well as the needs of others both around you and in our nation. Help when you can and ask for help when you need it.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His name.” Psalm 23:1-3

Reality Reflection: Life is Better with Love

“Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.” Rumi

I read this quote today after a week that was challenging in some ways, concerning in others, successful in others, sad in others, and hope-filled in others. We don’t get to live perfect “frolic through the flowers” lives. Our lives come with ups and downs, high points and low points, struggles and successes, meetings and partings, victories and failures, people we love and people we don’t understand. Some days, minutes, hours, weeks, months and years are easier to work through than others. And I think that’s part of what we’re here to do, learn and experience all of life.

But so much of living a satisfying life that you’re proud to look back on has to do with choosing and living with love, being yourself, loving yourself, looking for the good, caring about what is truly important, caring about and helping others, spending more time on the good things in life than focused on those raising your stress level, and giving your best effort to everything and every relationship.

We’ve seen plenty of examples of people who don’t live that way in recent years, who are more concerned about their public image or racist beliefs, who don’t want to be responsible for their actions or accept that some actions have consequences, who choose to toe the line instead of doing the right thing or saying something, who are able to through the internet that connects us find other people who will go down the rabbit hole with them and cause problems for people who are innocently living their lives.

But this past week has been a reminder that there have been and are still some good people in the world, people who make the world better just by being alive, by laughing, by having a kind word for everyone, by being willing to help, and by caring for both people and animals. We don’t know how we’ll live all our days; all of the challenges, opportunities, blessings and special moments we’ll have; or how many days we get to live. But at the end of the day if I’ve tried to love a little more and focus more on the beauty that is to be found in the world, even the days that are hard and the losses add up aren’t quite as hard as they are when the struggle is all I see or I let the struggle get to me and win.

Victories through Doubts and Struggles

We all have doubts and sometimes we struggle with about many different aspects of our lives including our work. Especially since we reached 2020 we’ve all been doing some soul searching about so much in our lives, but especially about the work we do and how we’re spending our time. If you’ve been following the news on careers, you’ve probably heard both sides of the story that some people are more productive and have less issues because of how work has changed since 2020, and then there are other people who have more or different work issues (some aren’t working or are hardly working), and since as adults we spend so much of our adult lives working, it’s a good conversation to have, and something we should probably think about more often.

Which is where the thought about doubts and struggles comes in. In one way they’re an indication that we need to stop and take a good look at what we’re doing or not doing. Maybe we’ve gotten put or stuck or limited in the work we do and we’ve forgotten or hidden the passion we have for other aspects. For a time or season it’s OK to be doing or focused on only one thing, but we’re not robots and it’s a great way to get burned out. Our doubts and struggles are also an indication that we’re overwhelmed and either need a break or something has to change. We’re very capable people, but we can only do so much for so long before we need help or need to do something different. And our doubts and struggles are also a sign that we need a change of pace or a fresh perspective. Maybe that means working on a different project/file or with a different client. Why? Because it can remind you why you like doing what you do, that you are good at what you do, and that you can make a difference for people even if it seems like you haven’t been making a dent and are blocked or stuck in one area/on one project.

Once you’ve accepted that you’re struggling and you’ve taken a break and tried something different, then hopefully you’ll discover what the doubts are trying to teach you. Every victory journey has highs and lows, it’s not good to dismiss the lows or consider them as just something to get through as fast as you can, take the time to understand what they’re teaching you and learn from them. I’ve said before how thankful I am that mental health is something that’s talked about in the public eye more frequently now and with a greater degree of acceptance and openness. Don’t be discouraged by the struggles and the doubts, take them as the indication and sign that they are that something needs to be paid attention to, and know that once you’ve addressed those questions you’ll feel better about yourself and what you’re working on and have another victory under your belt.

Need To Know

I absolutely love to read but one of my least favorite classes in school was always reading class. I always struggled with the questions the teachers asked and how they were deep-diving on topics in the book and the critical thinking they asked us to do. I always felt like it ruined an otherwise perfectly good story, and I have a feeling I would have enjoyed more of the books we were forced to read, had we not analyzed them to death. I’m not against analysis or asking questions or imagining, but sometimes I wonder if we needed to know more or why the author wouldn’t include those details if they really mattered as the teachers seemed to indicate they did.

So this past week in my Bible reading I read through the book of Esther. It’s the story of a young Jewish woman who becomes queen of Persia and then has to appeal to the king to save herself and her people from a planned genocide of the Jewish people, which she does and the king decreed that the Jews could defend themselves, and the Jews were saved. As I finished reading her story again I wondered if she ever had kids. The book of Esther doesn’t say, and it’s certainly not relevant to the main story of Esther and why her story was included in the Bible.

Question and answer aside, it got me thinking again about how much is missing from the Bible, as we’ve talked about before. I certainly think that had the events of the Bible happened during our digital world there would have been a lot more information because it’s so much easier to record and store in smaller forms, so we probably should be thankful we have as much as we do. So what that means is that we have the information that was deemed to be the most important for future generations to know. Sure it would be interesting to have more details on the Creation story or know more about Enoch (Genesis 5) or Jabez (1 Chronicles 4), or the lives of Jesus’ apostles after Jesus ascended. But what happened next or what else happened we apparently don’t need to know, just like there are other mysteries in life that God doesn’t give us answers on right now, or maybe ever.

So the next time you’re asking God for answers or details or a plan, consider what you really need to know and what wisdom you need for your present situation, versus what you’re just being nosy about or if you’re focused on the wrong thing. Because I do believe that God gives answers, wisdom and guidance, and He does go with us when we face tough situations like Esther did, but that doesn’t mean we need to know everything like He does.

Reality Reflection: You Matter

A recent email I got was on the subject of the phrase ‘for such a time as this.’ It goes hand in hand with the phrase ‘the right place at the right time,’ which you’re probably also familiar with. I’m always amazed when something seems so perfect, like you get exactly what you need at the store or you get a message from someone you haven’t heard from in a while and had been thinking about, or you get approached about extra work (and pay) or a new position at work, or you’re asked to foster an animal after you lost yours, or someone almost loses something as they get in their car and you’re able to get their attention, or you see someone get hurt and you’re there to call for help.

Maybe you’re not president or the leader of a company, maybe you don’t have a bunch of kids to raise, maybe you don’t have a leadership position in your church, maybe you don’t have neighbors you look out for, maybe you don’t have a huge client list, maybe you don’t fix broken bones and cure diseases, maybe it seems like you’re just an average someone who isn’t really important in the scheme of things and anyone really could replace you down the road. While to some extent that may be true, you also put your own spin on it, presentation to it, character with it, and perspective to it, so no one could really exactly and precisely duplicate who you are and what you can share with the world.

But even the very ordinary can make a positive difference for someone. It may not seem like a big thing to call for help, but it could save a life. It may not seem like a big thing to have a live camera at your animal nonprofit, but that could be the only cheer and adventure that some people have in their day because they’re home bound or can’t have a pet right now. It may not seem like a big thing to park a little farther away, but that could mean that someone who’s having a rough day with their kids could park close and be in and out of the store sooner. It may not seem like a big thing to go on a date with your significant other, but that could mean babysitting income for someone and income for the restaurant you eat at or other establishment you visit.

It’s far more often the little things that help the world keep turning smoothly than the big ones that truly matter. Maybe you aren’t here on Earth right now to do or be something big and dramatic, but when you add up all the little things, what you’ve done stacks up to be a lot.

Courage to Tell the Truth

This week I’ve been thinking of a different kind of victory, one that has to do with courage, and that’s the victory of standing up when a wrong has been committed and saying something. I’m not talking about the kind of pointing fingers where kids (or adults) tattle on others, because that’s not a victory even if there is some truth being shared or an awareness being raised. I’m talking about people who are honest about what they saw when a crime is committed, or speaking up at work when someone is being a bully or irresponsible, or not letting lies perpetuate.

It’s not easy to be that person, especially if your life might be in danger or you know there are other risks of speaking up like being pushed out of a community you’re in or maybe even losing your job. But it matters because often there is no justice or clarity or proper steps taken if no one speaks up. Speaking up is also about doing the right thing and encouraging a culture of honesty and accountability. We can talk all we want about wanting to make the world a better place, but if no one speaks up, if no one walks away, if no one is willing to make changes, it will just be words and not a reality.

While the possibility always exists that speaking up immediately could mean avoiding more issues, it’s always better to speak up, even if it’s late, than never. Even if justice happens years later, it’s still justice and the truth has been finally revealed. Even if you’re the 10th person to speak up and not the first, it’s additional confirmation that what the others have said is accurate. Even if you don’t speak up right away, truth doesn’t have an expiration date. And even if you don’t have the courage right now to start with the big truths that need to be shared, you can start with the little ones and start to see the difference that can be made when you tell the truth.

With Strength from God

Have you ever seen the egg experiment done? I’m not talking about the hot summer day one, but the one where you put a whole bunch of eggs upright between two boards and you can then stand on them without any breaking? I first saw this experiment done many years ago on Reading Rainbow (which introduced me to tons of interesting and varied cultural and educational topics), and it’s stuck with me ever since. But you also can tap an egg against a hard surface (or throw it at something hard) and it will break and make a spectacular and sticky mess. You can also draw on the shell with beautiful colors and of course make tasty food and recipes with what’s inside. Like many things in life, it’s fascinating how strong and yet fragile it is all at the same time.

With every bit of nature I see (which includes humans), I’m amazed at how capable God made us all. God made each of us so incredibly strong and capable. Each time we work through something we really didn’t think we could do or an obstacle we didn’t think we could overcome, faced and won against a giant we thought would destroy us, again and again God reminds us how strong and smart He has made us.

He created us that we could go it alone, but He also put many other people on this planet to help us walk and live this journey a little better, smarter, safer, happier and healthier. Again and again in our lives God will challenge us with something and ask us to step up and give it our best shot. Sometimes it will be really obvious that He’s there working with us, but other times it will seem like we’re all on our own. But God never asks us to truly do it alone.

One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is Psalm 91. If you haven’t read it recently I encourage you to do so. It’s a chapter that speaks to the dark and challenging times that we all go through in our lives, and sometimes what we need most is a reminder that God is there and He is our shelter and strength. Do be as strong as you can through the things you do each day, but know that it’s OK to admit when you need help, whether it’s help from our fellow humans or supernatural help. God is God for a reason and can handle everything that is going on in all of our lives, and He loves when we do a great job as much as He loves when we turn to Him for help and support. Celebrate your strengths and how capable you are, as well as the strength that it takes to ask for help when you need it.

“The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.” Psalm 91:14

Reality Reflection: The Size of Purpose

I believe that a big aspect of purposes is in using them to do good. I don’t believe you can have a purpose for evil, you can do evil things, but I don’t believe it’s anyone’s calling to be evil. I believe each of us are called to do important things in the world, but sometimes we can forget that important doesn’t have to be this ginormous thing that makes an impact on a large portion of the world.

Important can be as simple as helping a neighbor cut up trees and clean up after a big storm, or staying for an extra hour after work to help a coworker who is struggling. Those may not seem like big things in the scheme of things, and maybe they’re not. But if you believe in karma both of them are ways to have positive effect on your future. If you don’t believe in karma, maybe you believe in a benevolent universe or the concept of receiving what you give, both of which provide good reasons for doing even these small activities as well.

This weekend in the US is Mother’s Day, which makes me think not just of mothers, but also of family. Maybe you aren’t social and don’t want to make an impact on the whole world, so maybe part of your purpose is to do good for your family, whether that’s with phone calls and texts, special little “I see you” gifts, showing up for events and gatherings, praying for them, sharing your home or resources with family members in need, or just being a cheerleader and advocate for them.

Don’t be afraid to do the right thing and stand up for what you believe is the good or right thing to do. Don’t be afraid that what little you can do won’t matter, because it will. Live your life in the best way you can so that when you reach the end you’ll be proud of all you’ve done, and so will your kids and others in the world.

“A small change can make a big difference. You are the only one who can make our world a better place to inhabit. So, don’t be afraid to take a stand.” Ankita Singha