Insanity or Just Fear?

Fear. I kind of wish it would limit itself to October and Halloween and we’d only have to deal with it then like we only deal with snow in the winter and only in some places of the world, but that’s not possible because some fear can play a role in helping us grow. I don’t like that we have to live in a world where we need to be hardened a little bit (or a lot depending on our life) to make it through life without hating every moment, but the fact is that we do have some fearful or toughening experiences that it’s easier to navigate or survive if we’ve been beaten up a bit by life and developed some calluses if you will.

But I don’t think that having a few emotional calluses means that we can’t be hopeful or that we can’t be open to seeing the best in others, nor do I think that having a few calluses, and knowing that we could receive a few more, should stop us from living our lives and trying to accomplish victories. There’s a difference between insanity (doing the same thing again and expecting different results) and being willing to try something again, brave somewhere again, or revisit a conversation again. But sometimes I think we let the fear talk us into believing something falls under the heading of ‘insanity’ instead of trying again.

And I get it, no one really wants to repeat a catastrophic failure or get yelled at/emotionally beaten more than they have to, but I don’t think we should let the bad experiences or fears stop us from doing the things we love, being with the people we love, working a career we love, or living where we love. Yes, the bad experiences and interactions with negative people can really cause a mark, but letting the bad experiences in the past affect, impact or change the future significantly means that you’re giving them more power over your future than they probably should be given. There’s a difference between learning from your past and letting it shape you (or choosing to proceed with a lot of caution in certain areas or with certain people) and letting it stop you from living your life.

So the next time you have a tough experience or are met with fear, I encourage you to give a little more weight to the option that includes moving forward and trying again. It doesn’t have to be right away, healing is important, but sooner rather than later open yourself up to trying again and the possibility that your victories are still possible.

Getting the Go Ahead from God

Would you consider yourself a deep person? A fascinating person? Something that has always amazed me is the way that many of the people we meet in the Bible don’t have pages/chapters of story, yet we are able to establish a connection with them, feel like we get to know them on a real personal level, and learn from them. Whether you talk about Esau, Laban, Esther’s cousin Mordecai, Saul’s son and David’s best friend Jonathan, or Lydia of the purple cloth, even the brief interactions we have with them are enlightening. Recently I took a devotional tour through the book of Judges, which again features different people briefly, sharing their story as they help free the Israelites from whatever trouble they fell into. One of those Judges was a man named Gideon who God called to help free the Israelites from the Midianites. God sends Gideon to defeat and destroy the Midianites, but like any wise person who knew that he and his team were probably outnumbered, Gideon has some cold feet. But finally after some back and forth with God and gathering up the troops, under the cover of darkness Gideon sneaks up to the camp of the Midianites to listen in on what’s going on. This is what happens:

“Gideon crept up just as a man was telling his companion about a dream. The man said, “I had this dream, and in my dream a loaf of barley bread came tumbling down into the Midianite camp. It hit a tent, turned it over, and knocked it flat!” His companion answered, “Your dream can mean only one thing—God has given Gideon son of Joash, the Israelite, victory over Midian and all its allies!” When Gideon heard the dream and its interpretation, he bowed in worship before the Lord. Then he returned to the Israelite camp and shouted, “Get up! For the Lord has given you victory over the Midianite hordes!” Judges 7:13‭-‬15

As exciting as it is to be given a big leadership position, as exciting as it is to have a big responsibility given to you from God, we’re still human and we can struggle with very natural fears and let doubts and insecurities creep in (that’s something that we see throughout the Bible with many people who God called). But in this passage we see God again reassuring Gideon that He is in charge, He does have a plan and He will be with Gideon and his team as they fight the Midianites and will help them win.

What does this mean for each of us? That it’s more than OK to need confirmation from God about the direction to take in your life, and it’s more than OK to receive confirmation from God. Yes, sometimes God asks us to do something on faith or with faith and not with a lot of evidence or direction. But quite often you’ll see that if you need a little nudge, direction, assurance, reassurance, or confirmation from God, He’s willing to send it your way. What confirmations has God shared with you recently?

Moving Towards Victories

Where I live we’re just getting into this new school year. Some students are already back, some students return for a day and a half before the Labor Day weekend break, and others return after Labor Day. If you know me you know that I’m not a fan of winter, so I don’t want summer to leave, but there’s something to be said for the forward movement of each year. We go from one grade to the next, one class to the next, one school to the next, all in hopes that each new year builds on the previous one and we can see progress being made in how we understand the world, how we interact with others, and our ability to plan for and work with the challenges the future brings.

As I was listening to a sermon the other day I was reminded that each time we make a choice about our victory journey we’re often choosing typically between two options: towards the possibility of victory or staying where we are. Choosing to stay where you are isn’t always the wrong decision, sometimes what we need to do at that point in time is to wait and let things develop a little more. But all too often I think we let the fear get the best of us and we start to have doubts in our ability to complete a victory journey or if it’s even worth starting because it seems like the odds are against us, which means we decide that we might as well stay where we are rather than giving it a try and learning from the lessons we experience even if they aren’t quite the steps we were expecting or hoping they would help us take or bring us to the result we were hoping for.

I do know that sometimes the thing that really gets us is our awareness of how little time we have for anything, and therefore we really want to make sure we’ve got good odds and a good plan and a high probability of success before we make the next move. But what if knowing that there’s a good possibility that you’re headed in the right direction is the best sign you’re going to get? What if God/the universe is just waiting for you to step forward in faith and trust and not to wait until all 12 ducks are in a row? Because honestly, while baby ducks may follow each other and mom, they’re not often in the straightest of rows and there’s often one playing catchup.

So this week whether you’re diving into another school year or know someone who is, or not, I encourage you to be open to the possibilities that each day can bring, and embracing at least a few of these. Don’t be afraid of trying and failing or trying and not liking something because that’s all part of learning and growing, and few victories happen without learning or growth.

Reality Reflection: Fears and Money

One of the biggest fears that some of us have is around money. Yes, I do think it’s a bit ironic to talk about this topic after many of us have spent money on candy and decorations and costumes and as we think about buying gifts and decorations this holiday season. But for those of us who have been on the side of not having money, and many of us have, it’s a very real fear to be concerned about not having money to buy food or keep the lights on or put gas in the car to get to work. Growing up some of us heard our parents fighting or stressing about money, and that stress rooted in us because we could see how serious and important money was, so now as adults it pops up every now and again. And then the pandemic happened and it brought all of those fears up for so many of us, and some of us are still struggling to make a living with much of life and the economy still so disrupted.

One of the answers to our financial fears is to keep good track of your finances, and to be communicating with your partner (if you have one) about finances so that you don’t hopefully have as much stress. No, knowing what the bank accounts and credit cards say won’t change anything about how much is or isn’t there, but that knowledge takes away some of the power of the fear because there’s no unknown to fear. It even gives you back power because even if you can’t make a ton more money appear in the accounts before the end of a month you can try and plan ahead on what you can save a little on or hold off on buying.

If the answer to your perusal of your statements each month is that there’s never enough in the accounts, or at least not enough to where you feel comfortable or safe should an emergency happen, then you have to take a serious look at what you’re spending and what you’re making and take steps in response to what you discover. No, I don’t believe that anyone ever totally loses their fear of a lack of money, but I do believe we can have a lot healthier relationship with our finances and be more comfortable with giving a little extra when the situations present themselves and channel the energy and effort we had been using to deal with our fears into improving our financial position.

Also, if you’re sitting down to be serious about your finances for the first time in a while don’t be afraid to think for a moment about what the worse case scenarios would be, what would be the biggest fears that you could think up. No, this isn’t to panic you more or grow your fears, but to give you the opportunity to think about how likely of a reality those things are and how you could and would recover from them. Again, making a plan is a great way to take away some of the power from your fears and give it back to you. What fears around money have you worked through?

Reality Reflection: Perspective

Perspective has to be one of my favorite topics to think and talk about because it never ceases to amaze me the different things that people can see even from essentially the same experiences. Occasionally perspective can be expanded or changed individually, for example if you’re out in nature all alone and experience something that you haven’t experienced before or you’re able to work through things in your head and heart finally. But most often perspective shifts and grows through our experiences and discussions with each other.

Yes, sometimes that means a negative perspective shift because others continue to reinforce the negative experiences you’ve had in a situation and you don’t have the opportunity to have an honest and open discussion with them about their perspective and actions. This week my attention was captured by a headline about Dr. Sanjay Gupta sitting down to have a conversation with Joe Rogan on all things health and pandemic. They’re known for their frequently opposing views of the situation, and yet they both chose to sit down and have a public discussion. It’s a discussion that happened largely for the people who listen to Joe, but really was just about two people sitting down and having an honest and open discussion without defaulting to hate or running away or refusal to listen.

So while we can each have some perspective breakthroughs when we’re alone and not influenced by anything other than God, nature and our own minds and hearts, most breakthroughs come when we’re exposed to others and their thoughts, experiences and research. You might have a breakthrough when you’re searching the internet and trying to find answers in articles and videos. You might have a breakthrough scrolling through your social media feed. You might have a breakthrough hearing the same reasons from a 6th person on a topic (I had shared my reasoning with my partner on a topic several times recently but when he heard the same reasoning from someone he worked with for whatever reason it finally clicked for him and he understood what I had been saying too).

I know that sometimes it seems scary to think about what might be beyond the knowledge and perspectives that we have, but there’s not a monster waiting to scare us around every corner. Not everyone is going to be angry, not everyone is going to hurt us, not everyone is going to reject us. Sure, those things will be true for some people we meet, but I have faith that if we’re just a little more open and a little more willing to see life and life experiences from the perspectives of other people we’ll have a healthier, more peaceful world where more people can thrive and more solutions can be found and implemented.

Victories through Doubts and Struggles

We all have doubts and sometimes we struggle with about many different aspects of our lives including our work. Especially since we reached 2020 we’ve all been doing some soul searching about so much in our lives, but especially about the work we do and how we’re spending our time. If you’ve been following the news on careers, you’ve probably heard both sides of the story that some people are more productive and have less issues because of how work has changed since 2020, and then there are other people who have more or different work issues (some aren’t working or are hardly working), and since as adults we spend so much of our adult lives working, it’s a good conversation to have, and something we should probably think about more often.

Which is where the thought about doubts and struggles comes in. In one way they’re an indication that we need to stop and take a good look at what we’re doing or not doing. Maybe we’ve gotten put or stuck or limited in the work we do and we’ve forgotten or hidden the passion we have for other aspects. For a time or season it’s OK to be doing or focused on only one thing, but we’re not robots and it’s a great way to get burned out. Our doubts and struggles are also an indication that we’re overwhelmed and either need a break or something has to change. We’re very capable people, but we can only do so much for so long before we need help or need to do something different. And our doubts and struggles are also a sign that we need a change of pace or a fresh perspective. Maybe that means working on a different project/file or with a different client. Why? Because it can remind you why you like doing what you do, that you are good at what you do, and that you can make a difference for people even if it seems like you haven’t been making a dent and are blocked or stuck in one area/on one project.

Once you’ve accepted that you’re struggling and you’ve taken a break and tried something different, then hopefully you’ll discover what the doubts are trying to teach you. Every victory journey has highs and lows, it’s not good to dismiss the lows or consider them as just something to get through as fast as you can, take the time to understand what they’re teaching you and learn from them. I’ve said before how thankful I am that mental health is something that’s talked about in the public eye more frequently now and with a greater degree of acceptance and openness. Don’t be discouraged by the struggles and the doubts, take them as the indication and sign that they are that something needs to be paid attention to, and know that once you’ve addressed those questions you’ll feel better about yourself and what you’re working on and have another victory under your belt.

Questions and Hope of Easter

When December 26 rolls around I’m a little disappointed that Christmas is technically over, but there’s still so much excitement and it does seem like the celebration continues for a while after the day that we celebrate Jesus’ birth (December 25). But with Holy Week and Easter being done, it seems like the door just closes on all things celebration. Jesus died on the cross saving us from our sins and rose again on Easter morning to give us new, eternal life, and that’s it, right? But the first Easter wasn’t that simple, nor is it that cut and dried. It happened with a whole lot of confusion, heartbreak and hope, much of which still sticks around today.

Having the gift of 2000 years between us and what happened that special week means we’ve got a better overall picture of what happened, and we know how it all worked out and how it all works together. But as we’ve talked about recently, rarely do we get the whole story of what happened; it would be impossible to carry around the whole Bible if we had all the details and stories of what happened. So to the details that we don’t know, add the confusion of what actually was happening that first Easter, especially since they didn’t have all the communication technology we have today. How could they be expected to figure everything out in the span of 3 days?

We do know the most important details: Jesus died, rose again and interacted with people before going back to Heaven until He comes back to us again, but that leaves lots of questions and all of our emotions to be considered still. Just because Jesus is now alive doesn’t mean you forget the pain of experiencing His death on the Cross. Just because you know Jesus is alive doesn’t mean you lose that feeling of fear that you experienced when you thought all was lost. Just because Jesus rose again doesn’t mean you forget the feelings of being left alone when He died. Just because you accept the miracle of all of this doesn’t mean you don’t still have questions about how it’s all possible. Just because Jesus promised to come back again doesn’t mean we know when that second coming will be.

We may never have all of the answers and we should always feel a mix of feelings about Holy Week and Easter, because it wasn’t just a bunch of joyful events. But we shouldn’t let our fears and sadness, or even the unanswered questions, outweigh the hope and the reality of eternal life that Easter brings. Because Jesus is alive, He does love us and because God cared for us enough to send Jesus so we can have hope even when life seems to be going all wrong.

Reality Reflection: Holidays at Home

This year has been so very different than years past for most of us. Those of us who are alive and have lived through serious war times remember times when life was restricted and there was fear in the air, but many of us haven’t experienced the fear or change that we’ve experienced this year. I can remember the times following 9/11 and while there were some more moments of fear following the initial attack, it was understood that we were bringing the war to them and the danger to those of us not physically in the war was likely (hopefully) over. But this year the fear has remained, the danger has remained, and our lives have stayed different in so many ways.

Which is one of the reasons I’m so thankful that we’ve arrived at the Christmas (and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa) season, because we can turn to those traditions that have renewed us in so many ways in years past. As much as the Christmas holiday is about gathering and being with others (including those crowded shopping stores and community gatherings), there’s a lot that we can still do in our small (family) bubbles that we’ve put ourselves in to reduce the dangers to ourselves and others. From decorating trees to coloring holiday scenes to reading holiday stories to crafting to baking and cooking, there are tons of ways to celebrate and enjoy the season just as we have in the past.

After all, if we’re honest, most of those things weren’t things we did with big crowds of people or our extended families, they were things we did in our small, regular family groups before we gathered with others. I wish we could figure out a way to make virtual gatherings feel as cozy as our gatherings used to though, but we haven’t figured out how to share delicious smells or give hugs or try a bite (a.k.a. steal food) off of other people’s plates through our devices yet. And yes, I’m thankful that this holiday season we’ve got technology to help bridge the gap and keep us connected in ways that they didn’t during the last virus that spread in the early 1900’s. Maybe this holiday season is encouraging us to focus on the things we do have that are special and to really dig into the things that have always meant the holidays in our homes. What makes the holidays special in your home?

Reality Reflection: Anticipating Bad Things

I got a call today from my doctor telling me they were cancelling and rescheduling my appointment next week based on anticipated weather. Yes, you read that right and no, I don’t live in the southern US where there are frequent hurricanes and related storms during this time of year, and no, it’s not winter with big snow storms that we do get. Of course I didn’t want to reschedule but I didn’t really have a choice. Of course, I know this isn’t about me, but the weather hasn’t been exactly predictable lately and I don’t think it’s necessarily a wise decision to make. It upsets many people’s schedules and is a day of lost revenue for them.

As I was thinking through my frustration and confusion over their decision to close because of the anticipated weather, it got me thinking about how often we do this kind of thing: make/change plans anticipating the worst. Why do we anticipate the worst out of our world and each other? Don’t get me wrong, we’ve definitely been handed a tough hand this year and there’s still a lot of days left in the year, and it often feels like we’re waiting for yet another shoe to drop (and it may). And it does pay to be prepared for issues or potential problems that may pop up. For example it is good to have insurance on your car and home so that you’re covered in case things happen.

But I don’t want to live in a world where all we’re doing is looking over our shoulders and waiting for yet another shoe to drop. I couldn’t live in Alaska with so much night and snow, I couldn’t live in a place where it rains more than it’s sunny, I don’t like to spend more time than I have to with people who are always negative or put others down. Most of those are things I can anticipate and avoid or make decisions based on, but there’s no way to truly anticipate everything that happens in life or all the situations we find ourselves in. But I think we can do a better job of noticing when we’re avoiding something based on fear that it might happen and don’t have really good evidence that it will, or making plans based on strong evidence that it will happen. What will you choose in this new month?

Reality Reflection: Appreciating the Past

Something I’ve reflected on throughout the last few months, but especially of late, is how we underappreciated the little things in life before this virus took over and completely changed things. Yes, there has been some good to come out of the changes and upheaval, but as I’ve said before many of the changes are things that I hope we’re able to change back, like being able to visit with out-of-state friends and family without being concerned and wearing a mask, and being able to do TV interviews in person. I think we’ve done remarkably well with what we have, but the past few months have definitely revealed that our technology isn’t quite at the point where it is totally seamless and there aren’t dropped calls/videos, and it’s totally beside the point that we need physical human connection, not just virtual.

Which is part of the point, but not what I’ve been really reflecting on this week. What I’ve been reflecting on is how ordinary and normal things that we saw as normal and very typical were not as appreciated or understood for how special they are. I know, it doesn’t really seem special to be able to hug someone or go out for a meal as a group or attend a sporting event, but compared to our experiences the past few months, they are. It didn’t seem special that multiple people were able to be in a room together on TV, but it was. It didn’t seem special to run any of our errands or see a doctor for routine stuff, but now it does.

I appreciate that we’ve really increased our consideration of others, but am struggling with the different connection that we’ve had to have the past few months. We’re still connected, but it’s not in the vibrant, physical, carefree way that it used to be. The sacrifices that we’ve had to make have been very painful for some of us, and many have lost one or more family members. For many of us our way of life has been forever damaged. We may be able to return to some of our previous activities, but will we ever lose the scars this year has created?

I hope that our will to live and community-mindedness will help us through and help us become stronger than we were before, but I don’t know how long it will be before we throw much caution into the wind and experience the freedom that we’re just realizing we had in the past. Time will tell, but until then this is an opportunity to work on our communication and community building skills and hopefully we’ll be able to come up with new ways to be a blessing and encouragement to others while our world is so very different.