Peace in Giving

Yesterday in the US was Giving Tuesday, an opportunity for non-profits to cash in like small and big businesses did over the previous couple of days. I know it only comes around once a year, but the number of emails, social posts and other messages I got, often duplicates asking again, was a lot, and you probably experienced the same. It’s almost the same feeling that businesses try to instill in you with their countdown timers and limited quantity warnings, and makes you feel (intentionally) like you’re going to miss out or really screw up if you don’t buy/donate now.

Don’t get me wrong, I donate to non-profits all year long, plus a few extras on Giving Tuesday when they have matches going on (which is an awesome way of supporting your favorite organizations if you can share a bigger amount of money with them). And I’m really glad that they came up with Giving Tuesday as a way of reminding people that buying physical gifts for those in your life is great and very important, but there are some amazing non-profits doing really important work around the world that could put to great use just a fraction of what was spent on Black Friday and Cyber Monday.

So the best moment, on top of knowing that my dollars are going to special organizations who are going to help people in ways that I can’t, was in receiving emails today from some of the organizations who promoted their Giving Tuesday fundraisers and hearing how successful they were. The feeling reminds me of how it feels when you’re gathered around the tree as a family and everyone has opened their gifts and is really pleased with what they received. It feels really good to know that some of these organizations are going to be able to keep doing their work through the next year because people chose to donate. And if their work makes someone else’s life better or improves the world we live in in some way, well that brings peace to my heart.

Reality Reflection: DNF

Are you familiar with the acronym DNF? While it’s possible there are several variations on what DNF stands for, the one I’m thinking about is from the literary world meaning “Did Not Finish.” When it’s included in a review it usually raises a red flag suggesting to not read a book because while sometimes, yes, life does get in the way of finishing books, for avid readers if you take the time to leave a review stating that you didn’t finish the book, that means it was that poor of an experience or the book just got boring at the end. I got to thinking about this because of the books I read for and about business and leadership and how so often they start off so well, but by the time you’re 3/4 of the way through sometimes it can get really difficult to keep going.

In some ways for non-fiction books, I understand that the author might put their best stuff, or the stuff they know that more people will relate to or learn from, at the beginning because they know that not everyone will get to the end and therefore the author wants readers to feel they at least got something for the money they paid for the book and the time they took to read it. And when it comes to non-fiction books including biographies, there are always parts that are more interesting or educational or stay with you more than others, so you don’t necessarily expect going into one of those books that you’ll love and learn from every page.

But most readers start a book with the intention to finish a book. So why does DNF happen? On the part of the author I think it is an issue that most of us face at one point in time or another, and that’s the desire to just get something done. Sure you started off well, but eventually you get to a point where you either have been working on it for so long or you’ve now got something else that’s taking a higher priority or you forget what the original goal or destination was and you rush or don’t put as much effort into the ending as you did the beginning. Does that mean you shouldn’t publish the book or blog post or finish the project or the conversation? No, but I think it’s a good reminder that we don’t always finish as strong as we start, and if we find ourselves getting into that tendency we need to start doing a better job of finishing strong. It’s also a big encouragement to make sure that we’ve got people in our corner who can keep us on track, as well as review the work we’ve done to make sure it’s cohesive and strong from start to finish. There’s no shame in needing a helping hand to get over the finish line. And while sometimes a job done is more than sufficient, when it’s something that really matters or will impact others, I encourage you to do your best work from start to finish.

Victories Are Worth the Effort

If you’ve been reading the news or watching TV, or just hanging around the proverbial water cooler, recently you’ve probably heard about the big winter sporting event happening right now with representatives from around the world: the winter Olympics. I haven’t watched many of the events, but I have kept my ears open to hear about the events, the competitors and any other happenings related to them. One of the things I’ve heard discussed several times is about age and time. At least one competitor had been dreaming about being in the Olympics since they were a young child, and now in their late 20’s they’re there. Several competitors have overcome serious injury or illness to be part of this year’s events. Some of them are considered “old” to be competing, and yet they’re racing and even getting medals. Some have been at more than 4 winter Olympics. Some are finally back at this level of competition after trying to get back after more than 15 years.

At the end of January I shared a post about how age matters less for some things, that we shouldn’t give up on our dreams or on doing things just because we’re getting older (or are “old” by society’s standards). Hearing all these stories about the different athletes at the winter Olympics is another reminder that you’re never too young to start working on something, you’ve always got a chance to make a comeback if you put in the time and effort, and sometimes it does take decades for you to achieve something incredible like attending the Olympics in the first place. But each and every one of them has made some incredible sacrifices to get to this point. They’ve given up things without any guarantee that they would get to the Olympics this year, let alone win.

But even with all the sacrifices and uncertainty, with each and every story you hear, you know how much they love what they do. Of course all of us toy with big dreams, but most of us don’t truly love those dreams or what it would take to get to those dreams. But these men and women are excited about what they do, they’re experts in their field and thankful to be living the incredible life and having this opportunity to compete. They’re committed to doing the best they can for themselves and for the country they represent as well. They’re also there to support and celebrate with their fellow athletes.

Sometimes love comes with sacrifices. Sometimes it’s a long and challenging journey. But if it’s really love, it’s worth it. If it’s really your victory to achieve, you’ll have the dream, drive, passion, attitude, patience, support team, and ability. You’ll also be willing to go big knowing that you may not make it and you may fail, because yes, the experience itself is worth it, and beyond that of course fulfilling your great victory, your biggest dream, is worth it.

Reality Reflection: AI for the Win?

I was reading through an article the other day about changes and “advancements” in the business/technology world in 2021 and what effect it might have on 2022 as a potential article to be shared in my weekly business newsletter, and read about how people are using AI to write content for them instead of writing words themselves. As an avid reader and person who loves writing words I’m offended. I don’t want to buy books written by a computer (or read them for that matter), I want to support humans who write books. These humans are creative enough to come up with ideas that become fascinating and engaging stories that not only fill pages but many books to create a series, which sometimes even inspires subsequent series that branch off from the original stories too. This technology really takes away from the gifts and talents of some people, talents which they use as book writers, screenwriters, copywriters or speechwriters and countless other ways of supporting themselves and their families.

If you’ve spent any time in the writing world you’ll have heard about “writer’s block.” It happens to every writer, but every writer I’ve ever talked with sees it as part of the writing process and being a writer, not something that has to be fixed by AI or something that they hate so much they would rather let AI do their work than work through the block. In fact, many writers say that when they make it through the block their work ends up more inspired and at a more awesome destination than it might have otherwise. No one is inspired 100% of the time, but I don’t see that as cause to replace people with AI because people have lives outside of/in addition to the writing they do, so no one expects to write all day long or publish dozens of books each year.

I know people have been taking shortcuts when it comes to writing since writing has been part of our education system and “nerds” were being paid to write essays for “jocks.” I believe that we each bring talents to the table so there’s no shame in hiring someone to do what you can’t do (unless it is them impersonating you or doing something illegal on your behalf/for you), and I am thankful for many of the things that technology allows us to do easier, neater and without being affected by being physically distant from each other. I can see the benefits of increased technology in situations where people’s lives are on the line or where physical injuries are high or likely (like manufacturing or mining) or in medical situations that make care and surgery more successful with fewer complications, and I certainly appreciate having technology spell check my writing for me, as well as technology that helps those with physical injuries or limitations be able to “type” by speaking. But in my mind this AI program is one of the dangerous uses of technology that takes away the hard and/or creative work that people do without reason. It’s yet another reminder that there are two sides to every story: there are good people and bad, food is necessary for us to live but also can make us overweight, better ways to live and actions that damage the planet that we all depend on, words that hurt and words that bring hope, and technology that helps and technology that makes us less human. Why can’t we make the world a smarter, safer place to live with technology and keep creativity and all the other things that make our world special alive and even thriving too? Because if we don’t remember the importance of creativity and humanity, I fear our world will be all robots in the future, which is not a place I want to imagine or a future I want to make a reality.

Celebrate the Successes

It’s that time again: election season in the US. Yesterday was the actual Election Day, and while people have been voting for days and weeks before yesterday through early voting, yesterday was the first day that any results were published. Not surprisingly, there were some close races, including in my state, NJ. But whether the votes were all counted yesterday or it takes a few days or weeks to make sure that the right person is declared the winner, someone will win. As a result of this interesting voting season I thought we’d talk about two things that come to light with this situation that we can learn from as we work on our own victory journeys.

One lesson to learn is that close calls are a big indication that something is wrong or that people/things aren’t on the same page. While it’s not necessarily surprising or unexpected in politics, close calls in most victory journeys mean that you didn’t do the best prep work leading up to that step, you haven’t communicated as well as you should have or need to with the people on your victory team, you’re working on more than one victory at a time (even if you don’t know it), and/or you’re conflicted about your victory path. If you’ve experienced a recent close call in your victory journey, let it be a wakeup call that you need to change something or pay more attention to what you’re doing.

The other thing to remember from a close call experience when you do win is that you definitely did win and that should be celebrated. Yes, it was close, but you still were successful, and that’s nothing to ignore or disregard. You can learn from the close success, but shouldn’t let those lessons or how close it was deny you a celebration or another thing you can cross of your list. Every step you successfully accomplish is a step closer to a complete victory, so celebrate those successes.

So go ahead and learn from each step of your victory journey so that you can be more efficient, enjoy the journey better, and reduce the number of challenges and complications you face (especially the unexpected kind), but make sure you make time to celebrate the successes too.

Don’t Forget the Details

One of the big keys to success of any kind that is so easily screwed up and failed at is communication. As the old saying goes: the devil is in the details. I heard on the radio recently a story about how one significant other makes this incredibly detailed shopping list for their partner. The radio hosts were split on whether this was helpful or a complete waste of time and the person who wrote the list out should have just gone shopping themselves and maybe even saved some time instead of spending all that time on writing out specifics and details for their partner.

On one hand all that detail is almost offensive because it might mean that the other person doesn’t trust you to figure things out at all or doesn’t trust you to remember what you’ve done in the past or to use common sense or that you have any capabilities. I don’t think it’s necessary to go into this level of detail unless we’re talking about something that’s very expensive or requires a high level of commitment (grocery shopping doesn’t meet either of those requirements), and really, most things don’t meet those requirements.

On the other hand I can really appreciate the idea of going into detail because most of the time it’s the details that make or break our success, especially when it comes to communication. Just the other day my partner asked me to do something and told me about the need from essentially the thousand-foot-view, so to me it sounded like he was asking something that would take a significant time investment. As it turns out he wasn’t asking for anything near as involved as I thought, but because he didn’t take the time or make the effort to throw just a couple of essential details in that first conversation, when we finally sat down to have a follow up conversation it was clear the first conversation made both of us unnecessarily anxious.

Yes, it’s important when planning victories and having conversations to consider and be aware of the big picture. Knowing the big picture helps you stay focused on the ultimate goal and make sure that you’re doing work and having conversations that will help you get to that point. But without the details and context, it’s easy to get overwhelmed, do the wrong thing, not ask the right questions, talk to the wrong people, or get discouraged.

So the next time you have a conversation with someone that you’re discussing something important or you’re making a plan to achieve victories in your life, ask yourself if you’ve included not only the big picture but some of the really important details that will make or break their willingness to help you, their ability to be successful at following through on your discussion, or your ability to be successful and achieve your desired victories.

Claiming Ownership of Your Life

To finish out our look at African American History month, today I want to finish with some wisdom from author, professor, and recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom: Toni Morrison, that is especially of note in thinking about victories:

“Freeing yourself was one thing; claiming ownership of that freed self was another.”

One of the reasons that I think schools and general education need a review is because I don’t think most students coming out of college are really prepared for the “real world” anymore. Maybe decades ago it was different, but I’ve always said I felt overprepared for college and underprepared for the world after college. It’s especially frustrating after you spend all the money on college, and the time as well, to only wonder “what am I supposed to do now?” Hopefully that’s not the experience of everyone, but it also speaks to the experience people often have when they’re faced with a change of lifestyle or culture, for example when they go from enslaved to free, bean counter to boss, in a bad long term relationship to single, caring for an ill family member to free from that responsibility. Sometimes our change in situation can be exactly what we want, but we’re not quite sure what to do with it now that we have it. Sure we’ve always had dreams, but there’s a lot more to reality than just what we dream.

I don’t want to discourage you from pursuing freedoms, victories or the future just because you may experience some confusion or lack of knowledge. Rather, it’s an encouragement to really research your dreams and things you think you want to achieve before jumping into action, an encouragement to reach out and ask for help when you are feeling out of your depth, and an encouragement to leaders to make sure we fulfill our responsibilities to those who may come after us as well as those who follow us.

It’s great to want bigger and better things, to be in more control of your life, and be free to do the things that matter most to you or we want to do, but if we’re really honest about it most of us don’t really want to sit on the beach 365 days a year drinking fruity alcoholic beverages (or whatever your particular “if I could do anything…” statements might be), because it won’t truly keep us happy for the long haul. And if we are able to achieve those victories and bigger and better things, it’s important to not take them for granted or waste the opportunity both for ourselves and those we can support as a result of our success. Are you claiming ownership of your freedoms, opportunities and blessings?

A Little Wiggle Room

I love making plans. I love getting organized to get through my week as easily as possible and make as many victories as possible. But I know that my plans and what I want are only a small portion of what goes on in the world, and that I have to consider how other people and the world itself will knowingly or unknowingly impact my plans. When you’re planning for victories you of course should spend a lot of time on putting together a plan for how you think and generally expect things should go, but it’s also important to add in what some call “wiggle room” or leeway.

Of course, this is helpful when you’re just living your life as well. Don’t leave with exactly 10 minutes to spare before an appointment even if you know it only takes 10 minutes to get where you’re going, give yourself at least a couple of minutes in addition to the 10 so that you don’t have to rush or panic if you get stuck in traffic or someone has an accident between where you’re going and where you are. Make a plan for the week for dinner, but always have 2-3 alternatives in your freezer and pantry for when things don’t go your way or if someone’s stomach is feeling sensitive or you just run out of time to make the meals you were planning. Trust your knowledge and experience, but always be willing to learn or do an internet search to go deeper on a subject or learn a new way of doing something.

It’s always good to know what your lines, limits, and values because those will guide you and be a rudder to help you keep the course in a life that you’re proud of. But so much of life isn’t black and white, there’s a whole lot of gray that usually shows up and requires you to be varying degrees of flexible, and I think that’s a good thing because life wouldn’t be as rich if we kept to our little tidy, safe boxes. Of course calling it “wiggle room” is also fun and reminds you that life shouldn’t be all work and challenge, but it should have fun and joy in it too. And that just because you give yourself options and room doesn’t mean that your victories won’t go according to plan, in fact, you’re increasing the likelihood that they will be successful.

So give yourself a little extra space and option for the rest of the month and see if it reduces your stress and increases your victories. You never know what may happen when you give yourself a little wiggle room.

Too Many Options?

I talk a lot about alternatives and options and possibilities, mostly because it’s rare that you really have absolutely no option. A probability expert could give you an actual number, but my guess is that something like 98% of the time there are options to consider. No, you may not like all the options and they may not be easy or cost effective, but the options are known to exist or you (and your team) could think them up, which means that usually you can come up with at least one option to choose that is appealing or will work best for your goals or in the progress to your victories.

But as awesome as alternatives are, there’s definitely a bit of danger and risk that comes with them. You could get so wrapped up in the options that you don’t pursue one. You could second guess yourself the entire time you’re pursuing one avenue and not give it your full attention or be truly committed to it. You also could try to pursue more than one option and be so distracted that nothing ends up panning out. Your team (anyone advising or supporting you, not necessarily in a business/career context) could also be split on which options to pick and not support the one you pick.

I’m not jumping on board with the idea that you should stop considering alternatives and options, because while I do know that going with your gut works well or that sometimes your first option is your best one, there are more benefits to considering alternatives than just thinking of one option and forging ahead. However, we can do a better job of clearing the slate once we’ve made a decision on a direction: maybe we do need to shred (physically or metaphorically) the other ideas and options, or maybe we can just file them away to be revisited or discarded down the line after we’ve succeeded. If you struggle with too many options and a lack of commitment, what will help you stay committed and focused on the plan you’ve chosen?

“The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.” Henry Kissinger

A Little Success Wisdom

This past week a company was out in the road working in the storm drain and they managed to cut through 900 phone lines. Of course I’m extremely thankful that they didn’t cut through something more serious like a gas pipe or electrical wire (which would put us back in the dark for many days and we’ve already done that this month thanks to a tropical storm), but it does mean lots of expense for the companies, and lots of work for both the police making sure everyone stays safe and the phone company fixing the lines. While we could easily just chalk it up to being another fantastic contribution to 2020, it also highlights one of those important rules of success: measure twice, cut once (because they cut before they called to make sure that there wasn’t anything vital where they were going to be working). So today I thought I’d share a few of my own success statements and some of the other classics that you’re probably familiar with and may benefit from a reminder.

Measure twice, cut once

Do your homework/research

Use pencil before committing to permanent marker

“Cutting the pieces into smaller ones never makes a jigsaw puzzle simpler.” Peter Huybers

If you think something is impossible, it’s simply waiting for someone who believes they can do it (“I’m possible!”)

Don’t believe everything you think

Design is in the details

Less is more

Never blame the tools

Work smarter

Work harder

Hire slow, fire fast

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes

Don’t put the cart before the horse

Haste makes waste

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again

What phrases and insights help keep you on the right track to victory and success?