Reality Reflection: Depression, Confidence and Living Through It

As so many people can attest, life since 2020 began has been really rough on the mind, emotions and spirit. It’s discouraging to hear that people really don’t have answers (especially those who are supposed to), or that what used to be such a cornerstone in your life isn’t going to be that way for a while or maybe ever again, or that if you want to survive things have to dramatically change, or that rather than seeing some encouraging steps forward it seems like it’s been one hit after another. It’s really easy to not only let the mental gremlins get away with tramping all over your mind, but to be set adrift by the lack of consistency or ability to make and keep plans. And that’s on top of the depression and other mental struggles that people like myself have navigated for years.

I can’t tell you that evidence points to us having really turned any confidence corners yet, but I can say that it’s absolutely time that you give yourself a break and have a little more confidence in yourself. Celebrate the fact that you got up today. Celebrate the fact that even though you weren’t able to buy extras at the grocery store, you still bought some really healthy and tasty vegetables and right-price seafood. Celebrate the fact that you can take an hour and go sit outside with a book in the shade of a local park. Celebrate that you’ve caught up on laundry, even if it’s just for today.

My point is that it’s OK to find things to be thankful for even if they’re super small. I know it can be tiring being thankful for the little things that have always been in your life like electricity and the ability to make a cup of tea or coffee, but if that’s where we have to start to regain our confidence, I say that’s a great place to start.

One other thought: don’t forget to keep living. I know how easily the depression and uncertainty can drag you down. But sometimes you just have to decide that even if you’re uncertain, even if it’s not done perfectly, even if you can’t do things in the way that you might want to or to the caliber you’re used to in the past, you’re going to go ahead and live a little bit anyway. Don’t throw yourself into the “pool” yet, but get out there and stick your toes in the water and give yourself the opportunity to see the world, be reminded that there’s still good in it, and maybe you’ll even discover a place where you fit in better than where you are now.

Shout for God

Last week we started a series on one of my favorite chapters in the Bible: Isaiah 40. Today we’re looking at the next section of verses, 6-8:

“A voice said, “Shout!” I asked, “What should I shout?” “Shout that people are like the grass. Their beauty fades as quickly as the flowers in a field. The grass withers and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the Lord. And so it is with people. The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever.” Isaiah 40:6-8

Sometimes I think we do ourselves a disservice by not talking about the hard stuff more. It’s one of the many reasons why we found ourselves as a world so deeply impacted by the virus and pandemic: because we ignored the possibility that it could (and might even be likely) to happen. Honestly I’m surprised we haven’t experienced more than one every hundred years with as connected as we are as a world in this day and age. We also face something equally sad much more frequently, and that’s the death of people we love and people who have had an impact on our lives. Which brings me back to our passage for today and how very interesting it is that Isaiah is told to shout about how temporary life on earth is. God is saying: don’t hide from the fact that flowers fade, that beauty is lost, that our bodies break down and eventually, as the saying goes, dust returns to dust.

But when it comes to God, He always has the last word, the final answer and the final bit of hope. I’ve read about the story of Lazarus in several of my devotions recently, where Lazarus becomes sick, dies and is brought back to life by Jesus. As happened with other people throughout the Bible, including Jesus, they were definitely dead, and yet God decided to bring them back to life. Yes, those stories are few and far between, but they still happened. It’s not our job to assume God’s timing on things, it’s our job to read His Word and share that Word with others.

The last thought I want to reflect on today is that this verse speaks of confidence. Be confident about and in what you say. Be confident in living a life you can be proud of and isn’t wasted because life is fleeting. And be confident in God, in God’s place in your life, and in the Words that God has shared in the Bible and the words He continues to share through our prayer time, spiritual readings, and sermons we hear. And if God gives you a message to shout like Isaiah, be faithful to heed that calling. What is God sharing in your prayer time this week?

Why Me?

Can you list the people who asked “Why me?” to God in the Bible? Some of the most famous people in the Bible asked God why He picked them for the particular task that they were given. Moses asked God why He picked him to help lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Jonah asked God why He picked him to go to Nineveh. Mary asked God why He chose her to be Jesus’s earthly mother. Even if the Bible doesn’t specifically use those words, I’m sure Joseph, Samuel, Ruth, Job, Judas and even Saul/Paul (at least initially), as well as many others, asked that as well. It’s something we’ll all ask more than once throughout our lives, both about faith related things as well as other areas of our lives.

Sometimes we ask “Why me?” because we’re curious how someone else sees us. This is one of the healthiest reasons why we ask “why me?”. Exploring this question gives us the opportunity to learn how others see us, how others feel we treat them, the things that people see in us that we can’t see because we’re too tied up in what we know about ourselves, and the reasons why people want us to step up.

Sometimes we ask “Why me?” because we’re looking for an ego boost. This is a version that wasn’t in the Bible, but is used by those people who like to hear others talk about them and be reminded how great they are. Yes, it’s nice to hear others give us praise, but humility will get us much further than constantly trying to stay on a pedestal.

Sometimes we ask “Why me?” because we don’t believe in ourselves and our value. This isn’t always a bad reason to ask the question, sometimes we do have doubts and fears, especially after spectacular failures or when we’ve been beaten down by others or our circumstances. We do need the confidence boosts and to be reassured that even though we may have failed in the past, we’ve still got potential and value. Sometimes we just have to be reminded that God has a plan and that He’s going with us through the whole situation.

Sometimes we ask “Why me?” because we’re not ready or willing to take on what we’re being asked to do. This version is exactly the sentiment of Jonah, who didn’t really care for being asked to be God’s messenger. No one really likes to work through the tough stuff in life, but often we go through the tough stuff so that we can help others who struggle. God always has a purpose for everything that happens and at least part of us should be thankful that God chose to use us and wants to share His message through us, even if it’s a difficult experience to live and story to tell.

Have you asked God recently “Why me?” What was His answer to you?

You Are Key to Accomplishing Victories

One of the most powerful tools in accomplishing victories in your life is you! That’s why it’s so important to keep growing, to know yourself, to care for yourself, and to be honest with yourself. It’s not always easy finding time to care for yourself when what seems like needs to happen is action that will directly impact your victory journey, but if you don’t stop to care for yourself or stop to consider if it’s the right step for you, you can end up not making it to the finish line or in places you don’t want to be. But let’s assume that you truly do care about yourself and do act responsibly both towards yourself and your victories.

Let’s start with growing. Growing is interesting in this discussion because sometimes the right thing is not to grow if you’re going to be true to yourself. Sometimes growing more won’t help you get any better or faster, and instead there’s a better step for you to take. But usually the right thing is growth. It’s important to grow and expand your horizons, so that you don’t get too comfortable or complacent and you’re able to meet the new challenges that are created as the world changes and grows too.

When it comes to knowing yourself and being honest with yourself, some of this is about knowing what your limits are and being comfortable with being honest with yourself and others about those limits. Again, you can always learn something new about yourself and you’ll change many times between the time you become an adult and the end of your life, and part of the honesty is about being honest when something needs to change or if you’re pushing yourself too hard.

Finally, caring for yourself is important to accomplishing victories because while some victories are accomplished after your death because of the vision you laid out or started, most people need to be around for their victories to be reached. So go ahead and make time for naps, take advantage of the local produce and farmers markets to have healthy food at prices most people can afford, take time to hydrate, spend time with a variety of people (spending more time with those you care more about like your immediate family and significant other of course), giving yourself downtime/meditation time/reading time to recharge your batteries that don’t recharge through sleep or physical nourishment, and of course do your best to avoid stressful situations or staying in them for a long time.

How well do you know yourself? If you knew and cared for yourself better would you accomplish more victories or be better able to enjoy the victories you accomplish? What “you time” did you have this week or are planning for the weekend?

Reality Reflection: When Life Gives You Oranges

Often we talk about life giving us lemons and having to do something with those lemons, i.e. making lemonade, which is some really great wisdom we’ve all been working through over the past year with all the changes and challenges of the virus and related issues. But there’s a lot more to life than the challenges, and even how you deal with the challenges has a lot to do with who you are. Today I wanted to share a great quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer:

“When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out, because that’s what’s inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.”

There’s a cool story behind this quote: many years ago Dyer was on stage at a conference and held up an orange and asked the audience what it was. Of course they said it was an orange. So he asked what you get from the orange if you squeeze it, and they responded juice. So he asked what kind of juice, and they responded orange juice. Which of course brings us to the quote: the only thing you can get from oranges is orange juice. Just like the only thing that can be “squeezed” from you is whatever is inside you. You can’t produce a best selling music album, be a very desired investments adviser, be a teacher of children or astronomer who discovers the holy grail of a planet with life, unless that’s who you are.

It’s a great reminder as we head into a new month next week: don’t try to be anyone except who you are. Yes, we all have areas that we can (and should) improve in, but to try to excel at something we clearly aren’t good at or have no aptitude for is a waste of the gifts we do have. That was really Dyer’s message: don’t waste what you have by procrastinating, fearing, thinking down on yourself or any similar things, instead we should reach out for what life offers and become the people we were born to be.

How will you choose to be yourself this week?

Who Are You Trying To Be?

There are some really spectacular people out in the world, aren’t there? I mean you turn on the TV for a minute and you might be on a show or movie with a star who has done dozens of them (and earned a good bit of money), or you turn on a sports game with people who make their bodies do things yours can’t (not to mention the whole seamless teamwork thing), or it’s another special month or holiday like Martin Luther King Jr Day or African American History Month and we’re highlighting all these incredible people whose names have gone down in the history books, or there’s a team building or transforming a house (and doing a really good job at it), and of course that doesn’t even begin to cover all the men and women who go on TV regularly as hosts and seem so very comfortable in front of the camera. It can be overwhelming to see all that talent and all those successes and sometimes it feels like we never stack up.

What got me thinking about this? One of the dogs in my circle of friends is an absolutely sweet and loving dog, very personable and generally well behaved. But he’s very shy, not great at making friends and not adventurous (unless there’s a window between him and the adventure, then he’s brave and bold). So I was thinking about whether or not it’s a serious issue that he’s not loving and personable and adventurous, or if it’s OK that he’s who he is. And the answer is, of course, that we don’t need him to be everything, we’re all very happy that he’s so loving and attentive to those he cares about and a decent listener.

So why do we put the pressure on ourselves to think we need to do or be everything? Why do we need to be more than loving, capable at our jobs and doing the best we can to take care of the world? Why do we need to be conquering all the mountains and making all the headlines? Of course, again the answer is that we really don’t. It’s healthy to want to better yourself and expand your horizons, but not everyone should or has to be a public figure or achieve all that some people do. All each of us has to do is be the best version of ourselves that we can be. Be true to yourself and create the victories that only you can create this week.

Open for Opportunities

I’ve really been enjoying watching football again this year. Some years I’m less interested in actually watching the whole game than I am celebrating how the teams I want to win do, but this year I’m consistently watching at least a game or two each week. I think one of the reasons I enjoy watching football is because of how many people are actively involved in each play and how many different ways each play could go and how tuned-in each and every player on the field needs to be if they want their team to win.

This week in one of the games I was watching a player on the defense was able to catch the throw from the opposing quarterback and as he should started running for his goal. The play ended up being redone because of a flag, but I thought the play and the player raised some really important lessons for us in our victory journeys. The first thing of note is something I mentioned already, and that’s the importance of paying attention and looking for opportunities to not only do your job well, but to step into bonus and time-sensitive opportunities as they appear. This defense player was not only doing his job trying to stop the offense from advancing on the field, he saw an opportunity to get the ball and put his team back in control of the ball and he took it. And second, he didn’t wait to see if there were issues with the throw or if the ball was really in play/his or not, he just went for it towards his goal line. He knew that there wasn’t any way for him to be penalized for taking this proactive action, so he jumped on the opportunity.

Moments like these are really important for both personal victory journeys and team victory journeys. These moments give a person a boost of confidence, and show the team that you’re not just working to cover your own butt, but looking to give the team a leg up when the opportunity presents itself. These aren’t moments that always exist and it’s rare that you’re in the right place to be the one to do it, which is one of the reasons why it’s so important to be paying attention and ready for them when they do show up. It also matters that you are invested in the victory journey you’re on, and that your team is supporting and encouraging you in both your part individually and as part of the team. Finally, even though sometimes victory efforts don’t pan out as you want them to, it’s important to encourage yourself and your team members to go for them anyway, because they could make all the difference in the world.

What opportunities are you taking advantage of these days?

Admitting What You Want

I have two challenging questions for you today: what are your dreams and wants, and is there a wrong time to think about your dreams and wants? While maybe the answer is that you’re happy with what you’ve got, I’d say it’s likely that you have some dreams and wants that aren’t reality in your life right now and you have thought about from time to time. As to timing, I’d argue that this time of challenge we’re going through is actually a great time to be thinking about that question because it is a good time to take active steps on making changes with so much changing anyway.

The other day my partner asked me what were some things I wanted in our future, and when I told him a couple of things he was like “we have those things already,” and while we do, it’s not ideal and there’s plenty of room to improve. Of course I’m very thankful to have what we have at this point in our lives and with the crisis going on in the world, and I’m not looking for mansions and world domination, but I want more out of life, and I’ve always known that this stage of our life is exactly that, a stage, and that there will be a next step, it’s just a question of timing.

So getting back to the first question: what do you dream about or want from life? Have you thought about dreams and wants lately or made any plans to incorporate steps into your life to get you there? Maybe you’ve been waiting on some level for a person or event in your life that’s highly likely to arrive or happen (I’m not talking about something like a big winning lottery ticket but something like the kids being out of diapers or getting to a point in your recovery or counseling). Dreams and wants aren’t like going to the grocery store and getting a container of vanilla ice cream, they typically are bigger things and do take time and/or resources you don’t currently have to get there.

The first step to making your wants and dreams more than just secret thoughts is stating and admitting, that you want those things. It says a lot about your confidence in yourself and your drive to live if you’re able to admit what you want or would like from life. So how do you express those dreams and wants? Maybe vision boards aren’t your thing, and that’s OK, they’re just one tool that you could use. It may be enough for you to just say out loud the things you want to yourself and the important people in your life. Maybe you do need to write it down in one way or another. Maybe you need to pull out a calendar and sketch out some plans, actions and ideas. Regardless, if you haven’t lately, I encourage you to take time today to be honest about your wants and dreams for life and take a step towards making them a reality, even if that step is just saying out loud what you want.

Be Who God Made You To Be

You’re probably familiar with David from the Old Testament. He’s really famous because he defeated Goliath, became king and had a special relationship with God. There are over 900 references to his name in the Bible, and there’s only one David, so that makes him a really popular guy. David’s life is one that in many ways mirrors our own because he’s got highs and lows, he tries to follow the path God has him on, he tries to be someone others can respect, he has a family, and he makes mistakes.

The verse I want to take a look at today comes from early in his story, during the time that he defeats Goliath. I Samuel 17:39 says: “David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. “I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off.” (NIV)

The context of this verse is that David was brought into Saul’s tent because he questioned why no one was defeating Goliath, Saul said that he was more than welcome to go fight Goliath and gave him a bunch of armor and weapons to do so. As our verse says, David passed on the armor and weapons and went back to his tried-and-true method of stones and sling. He went onto the battlefield and swung the sling, struck Goliath in the forehead and Goliath was dead.

This verse caught my attention this week because it was such a powerful reminder of how wise David was and why God chose him to work through in such a big way. Sometimes what we need are the extra resources like the armor and weapons that were offered to David. Sometimes we take them because we think that’s the right thing to do, when in fact we should just be relying on what works for us and what God has gifted us with.

God wants you to be confident in the person that He made you to be. He didn’t create you to be someone else or to try to be someone else. We all should be learning and growing on a daily basis, but that means becoming a better person, a better version of ourselves, not someone we’re not.

This week I encourage you to work on trusting yourself, trusting God and fully using the tools, resources, blessings and gifts that He’s given you. What difference can you make in the world just by being you?

I Believe It’s Possible

One of the reasons that I chose our topic of the month for this month, possibilities, is because of where we are in the year. January is really a month that brings people hope. I know that may sound a little strange, especially given that throughout North America many of us are under snow or in very cold temperatures. But for so many people January each year is the opportunity they’ve been waiting for, or at least they’ll take the motivation it offers and do something new or different. Yes, other months may be more symbolic of hope like November or December, but there’s something hopeful about starting fresh. Of course each January we’re not really starting fresh, we’ve all got a past that can’t ever be truly erased. But sometimes all we need is a symbolic fresh start, like we get with the turning of the calendar page.

Unfortunately for too many of us before too long life intrudes, we fall back on our habits, or we get discouraged from not seeing the results we hoped for. While I believe that with some effort in the right ways you can see some instant efforts, but for most of us it takes more than 30 days to see real results. One reason why could be because most of us didn’t get where we are overnight, it took days, weeks and years to get into the hole or habits we’ve fallen into. As I was thinking about discouragement I came across this quote from Audrey Hepburn:

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”

I love this reminder for several reasons. To me, one of the most important parts of it is that it’s a clear reminder that we have to believe in ourselves. We have to believe that we’re very capable humans beings with creative minds, passionate souls and giving hearts. That doesn’t mean that we don’t need help from time to time or that we’re omniscient, I learn something new everyday, most often from someone else.

One of the other things we take from this quote is to not give up. Sometimes it’s necessary to look at something from a different angle, take it apart a different way, bring in an outside perspective, or just work a little (or a lot) harder. It doesn’t mean that it’s not possible or we’re wrong for making it our goal, it just means that we’re not there yet.

So today, what are you going to be confident in? What are you going to believe is possible to accomplish today or soon?