Reality Reflection: A Dishes Break

Do you know the best thing about when my partner goes away for a few days for work or with the kids? Doing about 1/3 the dishes I usually have to do! As introverted as I am, I still love him and having him around so of course I don’t actually enjoy when he goes away but there’s still a part of me that gets so excited to be done with dishes in two minutes instead of usually much more time. You can probably identify with the feeling about something your partner does or doesn’t do and you too get a break when they’re away for a day or more too. Doing more dishes doesn’t make me love him less (nor do any of the other things that make him imperfect) because I’m so blessed to have him in my life, but everyone can use a break from stuff and people occasionally.

So often we talk about being tired after taking vacations that we need a vacation from our vacation, so I don’t think the answer to happier people necessarily is to take more vacations. But I do think we can do a better job of stopping more often, stepping away for a bit, simplifying/reducing things for a bit, or having a little alone time than we do or allow ourselves to do. I think we need to let ourselves take a night at a hotel without the kids and our partner, letting the dishes or laundry go a day, making time for that coffee and cookie on the back patio when we could be working on our to-do list, or -horrors!- asking someone to step in a bit more and take some of the work off our plates to give us a break. Yes, sometimes we need a bigger break, but I believe that if we let ourselves have even a tiny bit more down time we’d not be as stressed or need breaks as big as we tend to need right now.

Our lives are richer, fuller, more awesome, more fun, more memorable with the people and things in them that we have in them, but sometimes to realize that we need to take a step back. It’s not something to feel guilty about, but a healthy and necessary part of our lives. So go put your feet up for 10 minutes, take some deep breaths, watch the animals play in your back or front yard, stop and listen to the kids laughing and playing, or count to 10-10 blessings that is, and don’t feel a second’s guilt about it.

Reality Reflection: Peace and Praise

If you turn on any radio station playing Christmas music you’ll be surrounded with a mix of songs. Some songs speak of the deep emotions of the season like peace, hope, longing, love, loss, loneliness and memories. Other songs are full of cheer, magic and joy and speak to the celebrations of the season. Anyone who tries to make you believe that this time of year should only be one thing (i.e. all joy or all reflection) is wrong. Christmas is no different than the rest of our lives in that it’s a mix of emotions and experiences, regardless of which Christmas story is the one that you read most often.

Santa may be all about delivering toys to boys and girls, but the story definitely talks about being good or bad and the idea that you might get coal in your stocking if you haven’t been good. The Biblical Christmas story has the joy of being parents and the joy of babies being born with long journeys at difficult times, spending the holidays far from home and threats of death. And even many of the classic and contemporary cartoons have both a dark and light side to their stories.

The reminder I’ve been giving myself this season is that even if your holiday season is more focused on one type of emotions than the other, you can still make room to spend a little with the other type. And if your month so far has been trying to beat the Christmas cheer out of you like mine has, don’t get discouraged. You still have time to celebrate and enjoy all things Christmas before the end of the year (because I absolutely believe you can celebrate all the way through January 1, or even to the point of Orthodox Christmas which this coming year is January 7). It’s also more than OK to embrace all the feelings during this time of year. It’s not unhealthy or wrong to experience more emotions in this month than you in the rest of the year combined.

So put on some Christmas music, wrap some gifts, watch a few holiday movies, get out and see some Christmas lights, attend a church service, buy a cup of seasonal coffee, take a walk in the cold all bundled up, stay up late just because, or whatever other things your heart is asking for in this special time of the year and enjoy it to the fullest.

God: a Light with Us

Sometimes I think we need a reminder from God that it’s OK to need a little helping hand. I was reading the story of Jesus’ baptism and in the version in Matthew 3 John asks Jesus why he is doing the baptizing when Jesus should be the one baptizing him. That would make more sense, right? Jesus’ answer to John is that this is what God wants. As we know John baptizes Jesus in the Jordan River, and to be very clear that this was what God wanted, God even speaks from Heaven as a dove lands on Jesus “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.” (Matthew 3:17).

Another familiar example is Matthew 7 where it says “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” (v7). Yes, of course God can just give us stuff, He sends blessings our way all the time without us asking. But if we’re really in a relationship with God, we have to put effort into it just like we want Him to put effort into it. Sometimes our job is to “wait expectantly” as it says in Psalm 5:3b.

The final example of a helping hand today is about light. In Matthew 5:14 Jesus is speaking to a great crowd of people and He says that we are called to be a light to the world, to let our light shine like on a hilltop. But the only way we can be a light is if God lights that light in us. Psalm 18:28-29 says: “You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness. In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall.”

So as we finish this month, as we head into a new school year, as we head into the last 4 months of this year, I encourage you to remember that you’re on a team with God, along with all the other people who believe in Him. Believe that God will be there to bring back to life the light in you, to give you strength and remind you of the strength He has given you, to hear your requests and to give you answers, and to be your biggest cheerleader to encourage you to be the best person you can be each day.

Going with the Flow

There are two types of drivers out there, one you may know as the independent driver (although you may also have other names for them that aren’t so polite). The independent driver is one who either has or appears to have zero regard for the other drivers on the road. Since it’s not possible to know on regular highways and byways who actually is a race car driver in their life or who is a professional stunt person, and those people are usually few and far between, it’s pretty safe to assume they’re just people who think they were a race car driver or stunt person in a past life or will be in the next (kidding) or wish they could have been, they’re simply crazy or have a death wish, and the possibility also exists that they’re just terrible drivers and protected by a host of God’s angels so that they don’t hurt themselves or others. They’re the people who make you wish you could close your eyes while you’re driving so you don’t have to witness their craziness.

The other type of driver is one who tends to stay with the pack, go with the flow and work with the other cars on the road. It doesn’t mean that everyone is doing the speed limit necessarily, but that everyone is in understanding that you’re all traveling down the road together and the safest and least stressful way to get there is to see the fewest number of brake lights because that means that everyone is moving forward. I’m thankful that most of the drivers on the road tend to go with the flow more than be in it for themselves only.

Going with the flow is an important concept in our overall lives too. Yes, sometimes you have to battle upstream like the salmon do each year, but if that’s all you find yourself doing it’s time to take serious stock of what’s going on in your life because something isn’t right. Even salmon don’t swim upstream for their whole lives, no animals are constantly prey, and the weather isn’t always one thing regardless of where you live, and our lives aren’t any different. There’s also a big difference between the little growing exercises we do on an almost daily basis, because those shouldn’t wipe us out to the extent that the constant upstream battle does.

If you feel like you’re constantly working upstream you aren’t just fighting what’s going on in your life, you’re probably fighting against God too. Again: yes, God will challenge you. Yes, God will sometimes step back a bit and see how you handle something. Yes, we’ll take our eyes off God and stumble occasionally. But none of these are like truly fighting God on something or ignoring/disregarding His direction on something. Because as challenging and difficult as it is to deal with sin and it is to have God trying to mold us into the person He knows we can be, God doesn’t have a goal of struggle for our lives. He has goals of peace, success, loving relationships (earthly and spiritual), and health for us. So if you’re missing out on peace in your life and tired all the time, maybe it’s time to consider how you’ve been driving in your life lately and if it’s time for a change so that you work with God, your resources, your abilities, your timing and your community.

“When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul
It is well (it is well) with my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul”
“It is Well With My Soul” Horatio Spafford

Trusting in God During Life’s Transitions

So much of life is about navigating transitions. Maybe they aren’t big ones like graduating higher education, having kids, changing jobs or serious illnesses, some of us may not even recognize that there’s a transition happening. But every year we navigate at least one transition of changing from one calendar year to the next, and most of us experience the transition between seasons, even changing out our clothing so that we’re dressed appropriately for the weather each day. Some times we’ve got time to work through the transition like how kids have a break between grade levels (also known as summer vacation), but other times we’re given just days or even hours to make adjustments so that we can get back to living our normal lives as soon as possible, often incorporating the changes into that normalcy.

Some of us are notoriously bad at navigating transitions, I have to admit I’m not always great at it. I struggle to accept the changes, struggle to incorporate them into the life I enjoy, and especially struggle with the way the changes distort the path that I thought I was traveling and making it a lot harder to see the destination I thought I was working towards. I’ve been struggling with a transition that was necessary for the past few months. It doesn’t make it physically or logistically easier because it’s a necessary transition, but it does help me to accept it and work it into my life with less doubt, frustration or avoidance than I might otherwise. Lately the question I’ve been using regularly to help me not get distracted by the transition or the delays I’ve been working through is “What is the next best thing for me to do?”

Sometimes all we can do as we work through transitions is put one foot in front of the other and take it one step at a time. Yes, it’s frustrating to not be able to make as much progress as we are used to doing, or do all that we’re used to doing, but doing something, the next most important thing, the next thing on your to do list, is not a bad thing. The other thing that helps keep the discouragement at a minimum and helps me ramp down the frustration are the few minutes each day I take for my devotions and give God the opportunity to remind me that He’s got a plan, that He’s my source of strength and that He won’t leave me alone to face it all, and He won’t let you navigate the transitions in your life alone either. Maybe the message I need to hear the most today (and you do too) is that it’s OK to do your best and trust that God will do the rest as you navigate the transitions and challenges of life.

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Take the First Step

Sometimes I feel like being a Christian is like being in the Honors program at school or advanced courses (or whatever you called them where you attended) or being a dog owner or taking care of animals at the zoo/wildlife sanctuary. What do I mean by this? I mean that there are no days off, you’re asked to do more than the average human is, and often it can be hard to keep all the balls in the air. I absolutely get it, as Christians we’re held to a higher standard than the average human, because we’ve accepted the responsibility of being God’s representative here on Earth and that means giving life more effort and consideration than some others might.

One of the words I say regularly when working with my clients is “consistency” because so often it’s not about how much effort or how many resources you can throw at something, but how consistently you can keep up an effort or continue to add resources that makes all the difference. Think about it like an athlete: they can have maybe one or two days where they’re sick or eat poorly or don’t exercise, but if they continue after that, they really notice their performance being affected negatively and they have to work even harder to get back to the top of their game.

Which brings me to our verse for today: Psalm 34:14: “Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.”

I’m thankful that I’ve never lived in an active war zone or abusive relationship, so I can only imagine how impossible not only getting to momentary peace, but maintained peace would feel to them. But that’s the goal isn’t it? Sure, most of us can achieve a temporary peace in our lives, like for the 10 minutes we get to shower each day and lock our kids (or phone) out of the bathroom for example. But some days peace beyond those 10 minutes seems impossible. But I don’t think it’s possible to get to maintained peace until we start with some peace and work from there.

So this week as you face your challenges, don’t feel like you have to conquer the whole mountain in one jump. Instead, start with one step and build from there. It’s a lot easier to get to the top if you put one foot in front of the other again and again than it is to try and figure out how to turn into a huge mythical creature that can jump or fly from bottom to top with little effort. Let God show you the little steps you can take to get from where you are to where He wants you to be, a place where peace, relationships, health, strength, spirituality, happiness and safety are not only consistently present in your life, but things you can maintain without feeling like you’re going to fail at any second. What’s your first step today?

At Peace with Starting Fresh

On this last day of the year and our last post for this series on peace I’m totally going to talk about the most obvious topic in the world: there’s peace to be found in starting fresh. We talk a lot about change on the blog and I talk about change a lot with many of my clients because that’s often when we need the most help or find ourselves the most challenged: when life is changing or needs changing. And I can’t tell you how easy it is to resist change because things aren’t really that bad or you know exactly how difficult it will be to change or you’re concerned that the changes you are or have to make just won’t live up to what you’ve had in the past (which I can’t tell you how much I identify with that right now as I’m working through a change!). So I get it, starting fresh is hard.

But starting fresh is also, to use a common saying, like a breath of fresh air. Have you ever been sick or stuck in the house for a really long time and then you go outside and notice how different the air is? As long as you live in a place that has clean fresh air, you know what a difference going from indoors to out can make, it’s like a completely different world in so many good ways even though all you’ve done is move from the inside to the outside.

That feeling is exactly why starting fresh can be a good thing and bring us great peace. If you’ve ever been trapped in a bad job, or class you didn’t like but had to take to graduate, or working on a project with someone who was incredibly disrespectful or irresponsible, or you go from an average relationship to one that really works for you, you know that sometimes it’s really awesome and exciting to leave behind something or someone and you have an incredible sense of relief and peace to be closing that chapter in your life story. So as we approach this new year, I’d encourage you to think about what you can be excited about and for.

And if you’re not as excited about the change of the calendar as others are, know that starting fresh doesn’t always mean leaving everything behind or changing everything. Sometimes starting fresh is just about one aspect of your life, and most of us have at least one thing we’d like to leave behind or change, right? And maybe more important to know is that I believe in you and your ability to face this new year and whatever fresh starts it brings and do it well because you’re capable, there are tons of people you can ask for help (even if you don’t know them yet), the internet is full of lots of resources and insights to source, and you’ve already faced and survived the last few challenging years so you can conquer whatever comes next. Maybe 2023 will be the year we all work together a little more, doubt ourselves a little less, and do our best to love, accept, welcome peace, and choose honesty for ourselves and each other a little more often.

What is Costing You Peace?

On the eve of the day that we really start asking the questions “am I making resolutions next year, and if so what resolutions am I making?” I’d encourage you to consider one last question about peace if having more peace is wrapped up in your resolutions or at least your hopes for next year: what is costing you peace?

It might be an easy question to answer on the surface: my kids are, my job is, my health is etc., but that’s just the start. Because many of the things in my life, and maybe yours as well, that impact my peace are things that I have no plans to change or give up like driving a car or going grocery shopping for my own food or not getting as much sleep as I want because I get to work with lots of awesome clients. So yes, there are things in my life that disrupt my ability to have peace all the time, but they’re not things that are truly negative in my life and things that need to be changed or removed. Just like we are willing to pay for the cost of food or a housekeeper or someone to design a website for us or someone to deliver packages to us, there’s often a trade off or give and take or cost with some of the things in our lives. In the case of these types of things it’s more about adjusting and figuring out boundaries and going into them with an attitude and focus on them being good and important and letting the peace come from acceptance and adapting to go with the flow, as we’ve talked about in recent days and a couple of other posts throughout this series on peace.

So that’s why the question is phrased specifically, about the cost of peace. Because if your home is completely disorganized or messy, or the best thing about your relationship with your partner is that you’re not alone in life, or your job is driving your depression, then these things are costing you peace and it’s time to ask yourself if you’re ready to be courageous and step up for yourself not only to have more peace in your life but to have a better life too. If so, it’s time to stop complaining about your job, stop hiding the hurt and unhappiness, stop closing your eyes when you walk through your house, or whatever you’re doing (not doing) currently about the things that are costing you peace, and let 2023 be the year you begin the process of making steps that are good for your happiness, help keep you in peace, and make you a stronger, healthier person too.

Why Peace?

Have we talked about why we’re talking about peace to wrap up the year on this blog, other than the really obvious Christmas connections to the topic (like asking Santa for ‘peace on earth’ and singing about it in dozens of songs)? One of the reasons we’ve been talking about it is because God wants us to have peace, which, as it turns out, is also one of the reasons why He sent Jesus to be born and die and be raised back to life again. Colossians 3:15-17 says:

“And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.”

I don’t need another reason to work on peace in my life other than the fact that God says I can have it if I let it be part of my life. If God says I can have something awesome like peace, I want it! But there is a tiny catch, and that’s the fact that our personal peace is tied to the amount of peace we’re able to create between us and others and the world at large too. There may be a period between the first two parts of verse 15, but there could easily be a comma the way that it sounds when you read it and the words that were chosen. As much as we don’t love to admit it, the happiness of other people matter to us, along with their peace, their well being, and their ultimate destination in life.

So where do we start, because people have been trying for world peace for a really long time, right? As the song says: “let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.” Peace begins in each of our relationships, in each of the interactions we have with each other, with the choice to be a little more patient, to give someone a helping hand or call out a warning, to hold onto our temper for longer and let it fly less often, to choose to be the bigger/better person when the other person can’t or won’t, and in letting God play a great role and contribute many things to our lives and hearts and shape us to be the person He made us to be, someone who does their best to be a role model for Him and what He stands for and is all about, which includes peace.

Peace from a Plan

Yesterday we talked about acceptance being one of the keys to having more peace in our lives. Accepting what is and what has been doesn’t mean that you just let life happen, and don’t make any active choices or decisions. Accepting in and of itself is an active process because you’re taking time to understand what has been or is and coming to terms with it. And you can gain some peace from just accepting what has been and what is. But if you want peace in your life on a more regular basis (and less stress!) you need to do more than just accept how life moves and flows and the results of the decisions you made, you need to include realistic planning in your life more often.

What do I mean by realistic planning? One example would be that at the beginning of the day you plan out all the things you’d like to accomplish in that day, ordering them both by specific time slots (i.e. you have an appointment at 10 a.m.) and priority so you make sure you get the things you have specifically scheduled done as well as the things that are truly the highest priority for you to accomplish. Yes, most days you’ll be left with a bit of a list, but that’s not to be a discouragement, it’s simply something you move to the next day or another day in the future, or you decide that it’s not really something you need to do after putting it off several times and you remove it from your list.

Why is planning important to having peace? Think about it like building with blocks or Legos: sure you can just put the pieces together and see what you end up with, but if you want to create one of those really cool Lego structures or make a decent block tunnel for kids to drive their toys through you have to have an understanding of the steps that it will take for you to get from start to finish. Why? Because if you don’t, all you’ll have is stress and no peace, and success will be unlikely. Not having a plan is the reason that so many people don’t get started on their goals (because they don’t know where to start or the overall concept is too overwhelming), and not following through on the plan is one of the reasons why people don’t accomplish their goals.

If having more peace is one of your goals for the new year that’s just ahead, now’s a great time to do some research, talk with a life coach or other expert, and make plans that you know you can follow through on for each of the months ahead. Don’t let a year of your life go to waste because you let the overwhelm and unknown get the best of you: ask for help! Knowing that you’ve got some structure to your year ahead with plenty of room for changes, additions and necessary detours that life may send you on or send your way is a very positive and confidence-boosting way to start the year.