Trusting in God During Life’s Transitions

So much of life is about navigating transitions. Maybe they aren’t big ones like graduating higher education, having kids, changing jobs or serious illnesses, some of us may not even recognize that there’s a transition happening. But every year we navigate at least one transition of changing from one calendar year to the next, and most of us experience the transition between seasons, even changing out our clothing so that we’re dressed appropriately for the weather each day. Some times we’ve got time to work through the transition like how kids have a break between grade levels (also known as summer vacation), but other times we’re given just days or even hours to make adjustments so that we can get back to living our normal lives as soon as possible, often incorporating the changes into that normalcy.

Some of us are notoriously bad at navigating transitions, I have to admit I’m not always great at it. I struggle to accept the changes, struggle to incorporate them into the life I enjoy, and especially struggle with the way the changes distort the path that I thought I was traveling and making it a lot harder to see the destination I thought I was working towards. I’ve been struggling with a transition that was necessary for the past few months. It doesn’t make it physically or logistically easier because it’s a necessary transition, but it does help me to accept it and work it into my life with less doubt, frustration or avoidance than I might otherwise. Lately the question I’ve been using regularly to help me not get distracted by the transition or the delays I’ve been working through is “What is the next best thing for me to do?”

Sometimes all we can do as we work through transitions is put one foot in front of the other and take it one step at a time. Yes, it’s frustrating to not be able to make as much progress as we are used to doing, or do all that we’re used to doing, but doing something, the next most important thing, the next thing on your to do list, is not a bad thing. The other thing that helps keep the discouragement at a minimum and helps me ramp down the frustration are the few minutes each day I take for my devotions and give God the opportunity to remind me that He’s got a plan, that He’s my source of strength and that He won’t leave me alone to face it all, and He won’t let you navigate the transitions in your life alone either. Maybe the message I need to hear the most today (and you do too) is that it’s OK to do your best and trust that God will do the rest as you navigate the transitions and challenges of life.

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Reality Reflection: The Land of the Free Because of the Brave

Since 1868 the US has taken time at the end of the month of May to remember and honor the men and women who died while serving our country in the military. It was officially established after the Civil War ended, but of course since the beginning of time people all around the world have gone to graves to honor the dead, both those who fought in wars as well as everyone else they loved who have died. Some cultures even have elaborate after death rituals that were practiced over the centuries, including some that are still practiced today.

So often I think it’s important for us to be given very big and very obvious reminders of things we should know or do, like the reminder to thank our those who have fought for our country and their families, especially since we don’t all have someone in our family who has fought or at least not someone who is still alive that fought and we may not have the reminder in our lives each day to be thankful. I also love that days like Memorial Day have become opportunities for our communities to come together whether for parades, fireworks, music, to honor the dead, or community remembrance services. It’s an important reminder that we’re all in this together.

Every holiday is an opportunity for us to reflect on an aspect of our lives, with Memorial Day being the opportunity to reflect on those who have sacrificed their lives for us and for freedoms that we or others would not have otherwise. I do believe it’s important for each of us to honor that in at least some way, whether it’s to donate to a veteran/military charity like Warrior Canine Connection, Travis Mills or the Gary Sinise Foundation, choose to buy from businesses that support veterans and veteran charities, donate so that flags can be placed on graves of service members, participate in a local event to support a local veteran or their family, or even something as seemingly insignificant as interacting with a post on social media in support of veterans or a veteran organization.

But the more I thought about the holiday this year the more one word about this holiday echoed in my mind and heart: freedom. Yes, first and foremost we should take today as an opportunity to give thanks to and honor members of the military and their families. But then I think we need to remember why they sacrificed and it’s because they wanted us to be free and have a life that wouldn’t be possible without that sacrifice. And maybe the best way we can honor that sacrifice is to live our lives fully and do something that we’re able to do because they sacrificed. So today with thanks in my heart I’m going to be working with a couple of my clients. I know that may not sound like freedom to some but I’m very grateful I haven’t had to live my life in fear or be subjected to the violence and struggle that so many people around the world are because they haven’t been blessed with the freedoms that we have. I’m thankful to be able to have the choice to work today where I want and with whom I want. I’m thankful to be able to take a walk without worrying about bombs dropping overhead or wondering if this is the day that I’ll lose a close family member or friend because of the violence. I’m thankful for the freedom to be able to live my life because of the sacrifices that members of the military and their families have made. However you choose to celebrate Memorial Day do it with thanks in your heart because of the bravery and sacrifices made by the men and women of the military and their families.

Focused on Victories

What have you been focused on recently? Focus is a topic that I engage with my clients on frequently for so many reasons. Your focus, your ability to focus, can be the thing that makes or breaks whether or not you achieve your victories. It’s such an influential topic I thought we would dive into it a bit today and see if we all can’t develop a better relationship with this topic, one that helps us grow and doesn’t help hold us back.

Focus can be both helpful and frustrating. It’s great when you’re feeling really focused, but challenging when that focus is on one thing but you need to be working on something else. At this point you have a choice: do you follow the focus or try to fight it? Whenever possible I try to follow the focus because the ability to be productive and get stuff done quickly, easily and smoothly is totally worth the delay in working on other things.

Focus can also be helpful in helping you determine what to work on when you’ve got a lot on your plate. When you’ve got so much to work on and not enough time or attention, you can choose to work on the things that bother you the most or excite you the most or you keep returning to mentally when you’re doing other stuff or you’ve reached the point that you’re finally ready to deal with it.

Finally, as you probably know, the ability to have focus and be focused is nothing to sneeze at. You can help set yourself up for better focus by learning what works for you to help you get and stay focused for long enough to get stuff done which includes where you work, the atmosphere you work in (with music or candles or snacks or hot beverages), if you work with certain people like coaches or specific team members, and scheduling in time to focus and get work done. So if you can set aside time each day that you can focus, on whatever you choose to work on, you’ll get into the habit of making progress, growing and getting stuff done, and you’ll find that it becomes easier to focus. What helps you get and stay focused, and what are you focused on right now?

Making Time to Reflect

What good is a holiday? Or said another way, what is a holiday for? As you may know the Monday coming up is Memorial Day, and I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means as a holiday.  Yes, it’s considered the unofficial start of summer, even though summer doesn’t officially arrive for another few weeks after Memorial Day.  We choose to start celebrating summer then because it’s when the weather has really changed over, when some of the schools are done for the year, we think about when we can plant and start seeing results from our gardens, and when people start thinking about taking time off and going places with family or to see family.  

But like other holidays that are connected with several topics, Memorial Day is more than just the unofficial start of summer, it’s also the first of several opportunities throughout the year to honor, remember, celebrate and appreciate the men and women of the military and their families.  Yes, we have parades and wave flags and donate to military and veteran related causes, and we should celebrate them and recognize their work with joy and thanksgiving.  But it’s also a chance for us to stop and reflect on their sacrifices and the selfless gift they gave us by choosing to serve or support a loved one who serves.

Do you take time out regularly or on days like Memorial Day to stop and reflect? I know, that may sound like an overwhelming or depressing suggestion if you’ve got a lot of really hard or challenging things going on and things just haven’t been going your way recently (or haven’t for a long time). But often when I do take time to reflect, God ends up reminding me of a lot more blessings than I thought were there to remember.

In some respects the whole Bible is a reflection on the lives of people of faith who have come before us and the lessons they learned. But there are also lots of specific stories of people stopping to reflect. There’s God in Genesis 1 who stops to reflect on all that He created. The whole book of Job is a reflection on life and hardship, finished off with a reality check from God. And of course you’ve got Jonah who was forced to reflect on his life and choices when he was trapped in the fish. Finally in Acts 10 there’s Peter who saw a sheet full of animals in a dream and reflected on it for a day or so before God revealed the meaning behind the dream.

Reflecting is healthy and helpful because it helps us stay aware about what’s going on in our lives, provides time to express our thanks and appreciation, and gives us even more opportunities to see the things that God wants us to see. And if God can find value in taking time to reflect, I think we can too. When was the last time you reflected on everything in your life?

Reality Reflection: The Story of a Cheerful Smoke Detector

You know you have a problem when the chirp of your neighbor’s low battery on their smoke detector is “cheerful” and sounds like a friend. Several years ago I can remember a similar situation, and couldn’t imagine how they could live with it chirping away day and night as most people can hardly take several minutes of it. Of course this totally ignores the safety concern of having a smoke detector that can’t function any longer as it’s supposed to, hence the warning beeps to change the battery. And now we’re back to more chirping, except for whatever reason this detector that’s beeping isn’t as abrasive as some others are, hence my opinion that it sounds friendly and like it’s saying “hello” instead of “help!”

Maybe you’re thinking about the sound of your detector as you read this and about the last time it told you to change the battery. Did you feel annoyed that you’d have to get out the ladder (because you definitely won’t use that tempting and available swivel chair) and find the right battery and hope your ears don’t get broken while being right next to the beeps as you fix the detector? Or thankful that it was beeping to remind you of how important it might be someday in your life and that in order to keep supporting you, it needed a little bit of attention from you?

I don’t always have a glass-half-full attitude, and I’m definitely aware that there’s no positive spin that you can put on some things. Some things, some people, just aren’t positive and there’s no spin you can put on that or them. But there’s a lot that we do let annoy us or derail our lives and we give entirely too much power to. Road rage is a great example. Do you really think getting crazy about or riled up by the other drivers on the road will seriously have an impact on your ability to get somewhere faster or change how they drive? No, and more often than not it just puts lives in danger. So why do so many people struggle with their anger when they drive? It’s because they’ve allowed that area of their life to take on a life of its own and to not be in control of themselves or their emotions while they drive. It’s much safer to let those emotions out on the golf course or at the batting cages.

But even though I don’t always have a glass-half-full attitude, I’d much rather look for the positives in the world and keep a hopeful attitude about the bird chirping outside my window, the new person I meet at a friend’s, the new coworker or boss or client, or the hard work required to keep a home looking good and staying healthy and strong. Not all of life is fun, but nothing good will be added to a challenging situation if you approach it with grumpiness, anger or a bad attitude.

Feeling the Victory

Sometimes the victories that mean the most are those that can’t be quantified. You can’t always say “I’ve climbed to the top of Mt Everest” or “I unpacked all of the moving boxes” or “I didn’t burn dinner” or “I ran 10 miles today” or “I cleaned out one closet” or “I’m making $$$” or “I’ve lost 50 pounds.” Yes, often in victories you can count to show your accomplishments, it’s a very easy way for not only you to track your progress but prove to others that you’re accomplishing the victories you set out to do. Our brains often think in numbers or scales or neat boxes like this, so it works.

But victories can’t always be measured. Some people feel victorious when they can see all of their clothes on shelves and hanging. Some people feel they’ve accomplished a victory when they finally feel able to afford to go out and have a dinner at a diner or Mexican restaurant (not a fancy steak restaurant). Some people feel they’ve accomplished a victory when they finally understand what it takes to lose weight and keep it off. Some people feel victorious when they set up systems in their email and other work communications that help them successfully manage those communications without constantly being bothered or having to manage them 24/7. Some people feel they’ve accomplished a victory when they wake up feeling refreshed and not tired.

The hard part about victories that are tied to feelings is that they’re not as easy to predict when you’ll get there or how much more work it will take to get there. Because, using the example above about eating out, it’s not about having a certain dollar amount in your bank account or earning a certain amount per year, but about feeling good about your work prospects, your finances and your expenses to the point that you’re comfortable with spending that $20-$100 on one night’s dinner when that’s not something you’ve felt comfortable doing in a while. It’s more than OK to not define your victories by a number, if you feel you’ve arrived at this stage or finished what you set out to do, that’s sometimes enough. Have you felt you’ve accomplished a victory recently?

Going Deep with God

Do you know what I did the other day? I started re-reading a book of the Bible that I just finished (truly just finished the night before). I do know how strange that sounds, such actions may even make you consider my sanity. After all, aren’t there 65 other books? Yes, there are! They all have at least one or two interesting things in them or things we can learn from them, and most are filled with many interesting stories and people. But all believers have verses that they return to time and again, or people they identify more closely with than others and they keep revisiting their stories and getting new insights about them from God.

When it comes to these passages and people that we return to we could consider them part of our spiritual anchor. Sometimes you don’t need to learn something new, sometimes you don’t need to explore, sometimes you don’t need more, but rather you need comfort, support, peace, strength, and/or hope. Sometimes you need the reminder that God can work in any and all situations you find yourself in, while other days you need to be reminded that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Anchor passages and people help you return to center or refocus or help you regain your spiritual strength.

And sometimes when it comes to faith and things of God, the best thing to do, the right thing to do is to really dig in and explore something. I’ve said before that it doesn’t matter how many times I read some books of the Bible, I still learn new things or see things from a different perspective. But this is different because it’s not just about learning something new, but about recognizing that right now is the time to get to know this passage or story or book, that right now God wants to teach you something or many things from a passage or story or book and the only way to make that happen is to read it over again (and maybe again). So if you’re feeling like God is encouraging you to explore a particular topic or passage or story or book, don’t be frustrated or annoyed or feel silly, be thankful for the opportunity and guidance. What are you exploring in depth with God?

Reality Reflection: Making Room

What is Mother’s Day (today in the US) really about for the women who we call moms? It’s about their incredible gift and choice to make room in their hearts and lives for the next generation. It’s not something everyone can do or is willing to do, something we know from the too many kids who choose to separate themselves from their birth moms as soon as they can. Because yes, being a mom can be about physically bringing a life into the world, but I believe it’s so much more than that and separate from that. Because real moms, whether they bear children or not, are women who care, teach, shelter, laugh, feed, learn, play and sacrifice for the next generation.

Yes, the gift of being able to bring life to the world is powerful, but it’s such a small fraction of what has to happen next, and what comes next is much more work, responsibility, time consuming, resource consuming, and stressful than those 9 or so months of pregnancy, and not all women are committed to or able to commit to doing that. There’s a big difference from just having a kid and raising a kid, and not all parents consider the difference before they have kids.

So this Mother’s Day I want to thank all the women who have opened their hearts and lives to children around the world. Thank you for stepping up and setting a good example. Thank you for loving us even when we screw up. Thank you for listening. Thank you for patiently teaching us stuff that we make you teach us several times because we just aren’t as good at it as you are. Thank you for not giving up on us. Thank you for believing in us. Thank you for showing up for us. Thank you for being you.

Two Questions on Responsibility

Recently I’ve had two very different experiences with potential clients. In one situation we communicated well, met up and have started working together. With the other situation the person hasn’t been following through on communications in a timely fashion (using my 24 hour parameter of course) and didn’t show up for our scheduled appointment. The older I get the more I try to be patient with people because I understand that not everything moves at the speed of light, we feel our age more one day than we did the previous, and especially in the past few years we know that things can change dramatically in a matter of hours or days. But I don’t think that removes the importance of taking responsibility for yourself, your life and the choices you make.

The topic of responsibility is a lot more nuanced than you may first think. I know many people react with a groan or complaint or even an eye roll when the word comes up. There may even be a feeling of fear that you experience because in the past (and maybe even present) the responsibilities you’re given are those that you’re not comfortable with or as capable as you might like. When it comes to the topic of responsibility there are lots of choices to be made. When you choose to become a parent you’re accepting the responsibility that comes with that precious life. When you choose to be in a relationship, you’re responsible for yourself and your part in the relationship. When you run a business you’re responsible for the choices you make as the person in charge. If you say you’re an adult you’ve accepted responsibility for the actions you take, choices you make, and things you say you’ll do but don’t.

Sometimes your ability to create victories in your life comes down to the question of responsibility. Are you going to take responsibility for what has or hasn’t happened, what you agreed to but didn’t do, or even that you basically set yourself up to fail by trying to do too much at once? Because if you’re not going to take responsibility and admit what you have or haven’t done, it’s likely going to be a long and challenging road to get to victory, if you can even get there. I’m not suggesting anything along the lines of being a task master or beating yourself up, or that you have to be crazy fast and bold in your victory choices and journey, but about choosing to be an adult and be responsible for your actions and your life, especially when you’ve brought someone else in to help you with your victory journey.

As many people transition from one season of their lives and one season of the year to another, it’s a great time to take a look at not only the things you’re responsible for in your life like yourself and your loved ones as well as your job, but also at whether or not you’re taking responsibility for the successes, failures, confusion, struggles and victories in your life.

When God is Silent

Are you good at waiting? The answer to that question is probably conditional and situational for you, because I know I’m a lot more patient about some things and in some situations than I am in others. In some ways it’s a lot easier to wait for something that we have a big emotional attachment to because we know or believe the result will be worth the wait, but in other ways because we want it so much it’s harder to wait. I do think we can get better at waiting and being more patient with ourselves and others (and the world at large) because as much as we are conscious of how fast time seems to slip through our fingers, it’s not always about the amount of time we have but the quality ways that we spend that time.

While the Bible gives us lots of information, it doesn’t answer all our questions and even creates some, one of those being why is there a gap between the book of Malachi at the end of the Old Testament and Matthew which begins the New Testament? It’s not like life stopped, because there was good record keeping by that time so we do know that people lived, society created, and history happened, but for some reason there’s a gap between the Old and New Testaments while the rest of the Old Testament is largely able to be chronologically connected. In some ways it makes sense to have a “pregnant pause” between what was and the new life that is ushered in with the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus. But if it was important and worth it to include all of the information in Leviticus and Numbers as well as all the books of the Prophets, why wouldn’t you include at least one (even a small one) that covers those 400 years? Did God not have anything to say during those years?

This is the question that was raised by a devotional I read recently on the book of Malachi. Malachi is a book of conclusion as well as transition, and despite how short it is compared to many of the other Old Testament books, it’s still a fascinating read that contributes to our spiritual knowledge. The devotional I read shared an important insight and reminder that addresses all these very challenging questions of waiting, what God has to say, and those missing 400 years: “Understanding that the absence of a fresh word from God does not equate to abandonment by God is essential to faith in God.”

Just because you don’t hear or see God working doesn’t mean that He isn’t there and isn’t working. It’s like the fact that the sun never really goes away, it’s just behind the clouds or behind the Earth. It’s like the flour you put into bread: it’s not gone, just looks different than it did when you started. And just because you can’t see love, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t have tremendous power in your life and the lives of others. God doesn’t always have a new message for us, sometimes the message He has for us is the same one He’s been giving us for years, and He asks us to trust Him that those words, those instructions, those directions are still relevant and accurate.

Maybe God does have new insight that He wants to share with you this week, or maybe He wants you to remain focused and keep working on what He’s already told you because things aren’t ready yet, you’re not ready yet, He’s not ready yet, or it’s not yet time. Focus on your trust and faith in God and keep working and moving forward along the path that He has shown you.