Reality Reflection: Making Room

What is Mother’s Day (today in the US) really about for the women who we call moms? It’s about their incredible gift and choice to make room in their hearts and lives for the next generation. It’s not something everyone can do or is willing to do, something we know from the too many kids who choose to separate themselves from their birth moms as soon as they can. Because yes, being a mom can be about physically bringing a life into the world, but I believe it’s so much more than that and separate from that. Because real moms, whether they bear children or not, are women who care, teach, shelter, laugh, feed, learn, play and sacrifice for the next generation.

Yes, the gift of being able to bring life to the world is powerful, but it’s such a small fraction of what has to happen next, and what comes next is much more work, responsibility, time consuming, resource consuming, and stressful than those 9 or so months of pregnancy, and not all women are committed to or able to commit to doing that. There’s a big difference from just having a kid and raising a kid, and not all parents consider the difference before they have kids.

So this Mother’s Day I want to thank all the women who have opened their hearts and lives to children around the world. Thank you for stepping up and setting a good example. Thank you for loving us even when we screw up. Thank you for listening. Thank you for patiently teaching us stuff that we make you teach us several times because we just aren’t as good at it as you are. Thank you for not giving up on us. Thank you for believing in us. Thank you for showing up for us. Thank you for being you.

Give a Little Extra

I am a lover of just about all things that come from a bakery. Some of my best (and tastiest!) memories of growing up are of my mother baking, which is something she loves to do, crisps, pies, cookies, breads, rolls and many other things. I enjoyed both helping and eating, and the same holds true today. As I was thinking about words the other day, as I often do (both in connection with and separate from thought about baked goods), I got to wondering about the phrase “bakers dozen” and where it came from. In case you’re not familiar with the phrase instead of a quantity of 12 which is what you get when you get a dozen of something, a bakers dozen almost always is a count of 13. So I went on a little adventure around the internet to see what it could tell me about this phrase.

It got started really because of how hard it can be to be exact with finished product weight in baking. It’s not like filling a water bottle with water and knowing that from start to finish it’s the same amount. Even when you use your very best exact measurements and try your hardest there are some deviations in the end result of most baked goods, even in this era where we’ve got really good measuring tools and scales. So, the most common explanation of where a bakers dozen came from is that somewhere back in the 16 or 1700’s in the UK people were getting upset because they were getting a dozen items from the bakery, but they were often on the small side and if the bakers were caught not meeting the minimum quantity or weight, depending on the region, they could be fined or even given a beating. So they started including an extra (the 13th) in each dozen so that they definitely got to at least the minimum required amount.

It’s a fun story, isn’t it? There are a couple of really great lessons in this story for our victory journeys I want to focus on. First is that if you make a commitment it’s important to see that commitment through. Sure when it comes to the arts (of which baking is one) there’s always artistic license, but you still have to deliver both the agreed upon item(s) or service(s) and meet any standards that are in place. Second, there’s something to be said about covering yourself. In business customers expect that you’ll deliver what is ordered, and just in case they’re a little disappointed or something isn’t quite what they expected, giving an “extra” can help with smoothing that over. Sure it cuts a bit into your time or profit or resources, but isn’t it better to make sure everything is taken care of than to deliver a victory that’s on the not-quite-there side of things? And finally there’s something to be said about giving a little extra. I’m not talking about going an extra mile when you were only supposed to deliver one mile in the first place, or going way over and beyond the call of duty, but rather think about it like putting a bow on a nicely wrapped gift or having a graduation ceremony in addition to getting the diploma. It just shows that you care or appreciate the other person, it shows you value what you do, it completes the picture, or is a way to show that you really gave it your best effort.

Could a little extra go a long way for your next victory journey?

Let’s Finish It!

Have you reached your point of no return yet? The point at which you say you’re finally ready to do something about an issue, make a change, get help with something or finally get to work seriously on your victory goals? Many people get motivated by all the energy that comes in with the new year and talk about this mysterious being “resolutions” that are kind of like the mythical unicorns that many know of but few actually experience. I’m not a resolutions person but you know I love victories. Why? Because it’s a lot easier to love something that is primarily positive instead of something that focuses on something you don’t like, sacrifices and changes.

So what can we do to not only have a better year of personal growth but accomplish more victories? One thing to try is to follow through more consistently on your commitments. It’s as simple as it sounds: when you start something, finish it! As much as I’d love it if we could finish every commitment in one day, that’s not always how it works. Sometimes there is a length of time attached to the commitment like a for a season (i.e. summer) or for the duration of the school year, and other times there isn’t a time constraint attached just a project that takes as long as it takes to get done which often means more than one day. But the focus shouldn’t be on how long it takes, but rather your willingness to follow through on what you agreed to.

It’s also a good opportunity for us to work on making wise choices in that if we’re concerned we won’t be able to or might not really want to put in the effort and time it might take to finish something we should carefully consider everything before making that commitment. It’s awesome to say “yes” to stuff and people in our lives, but we also have to be cognizant of our limits and the limits of the number of hours in the day and resources we have.

No, we won’t always make a good decision about how to spend our time or what we commit to (and sometimes people leave things out of the information so we end up committing to stuff we didn’t think we were), but even in those situations sometimes it’s worth it to see it through not only to show yourself that you can but to learn as much as possible personally and relationally with others who are involved in the commitment with you. And if it does come down to something you really can’t finish right now, or ever, don’t let that discourage you or stop you from committing to finish things in the future. Learn the lessons you can and move on.

So this year what are you committing to? Maybe start off with committing to some fun things that you know you’ll finish and you’ll enjoy the journey like baking cookies each week to share with your church group or school group, or going on a date of one kind or another with your partner every week, or finishing a book each week (or each month), or doing a craft each week/month, or doing something other than school or driving to and from activities with your kids each week to get you into the finishing spirit. And if you’ve already finished something this year don’t forget to celebrate it!

Considering What Matters Most

Have you felt like you’re under a lot of pressure or stress lately? While everything that has continued to go on in the world hasn’t exactly helped us find a new stable life since the pandemic began, I feel like we’ve allowed ourselves to fall back into some of the bad habits that we had before the pandemic like overbooking our schedules, thinking we need to be busy 24/7, and being lazy about supporting each other in the ways that we saw happen in the early months of the pandemic. So as I’ve been thinking about some big decisions in my life that I have to make I read the words of Philippians 1:10a:

“…I want you to understand what really matters…”

Since God is so awesome He always gives us options that we can consider. Rarely is it a case of there being only one way to accomplish a goal or work through a problem. We may not love all the options that are available to us, but usually if we are willing to get creative and/or put in the effort, we can make things work out. We may not love the idea that some of those options come with a necessary waiting period or a requirement of going slow, but moving along at a slow-but-steady pace is better than not making any progress or not being able to eventually reach your goals.

Going back to today’s verse from Philippians, one of the hardest parts about all those options is determining what really matters when all things are considered. Sometimes the situations in your life mean that the only thing that matters is the short term and right now and that’s the option you have to choose (certainly something we experienced on a global scale during the early months of the pandemic). Other times while it may not be easy, you have to consider what will bring you more results or further along or better relationships or more success in the long run even if it means some sacrifices and challenges now.

But it’s more than just about the results, because you can work your fingers to the bone with accomplishment after accomplishment and feel completely unsatisfied and unfulfilled and be really far from the plan of God for your life. In the end sure you accomplished a lot and crossed lots of stuff off whatever lists you have, but none of them were fulfilling or helped you grow as a person or really meant anything to you. Of course not everything will have the same meaning or value as some things (like for example the birth of your first child), and some things will be downright ordinary, which is to be expected. But when it comes to the big decisions, the big expenses, how you spend significant portions of your time, and the relationships you really invest in, what really matters should be a factor in those decisions. Because if that thing doesn’t really matter to you or to God, how much should you be investing in it?

As we look at the last 3 months of this year and even begin to think about next year, I encourage you to spend some time with God thinking about what really matters to Him and to you as a person, partner, son/daughter, parent, coworker, neighbor, investor, and child of God. Maybe it’s time for a new plan of action or new direction because the things that you’re investing in right now don’t really matter to you and won’t help you get to the things that do matter to you.

Reality Reflection: How serious are you?

My partner has chosen to really get serious and lose weight this year, and he finally found a program that’s been effective for him (he’s lost over 30 pounds). He’s shared about the program with some other people and their results aren’t as significant as his and this weekend we were talking about why they haven’t so far seen the results that he has. I teased him that since I do 99% of the shopping he has no ability to buy any of the snacks or other items that he used to eat, but the other people might not be as lucky to have someone like me.

All joking aside, yes, of course your ability to lose weight does get impacted by what you eat, but that’s really part of a larger question about how serious you are about losing weight. If you’re not that committed it won’t make you feel really guilty if you eat a cookie every day or add tons of sugar to your coffee or tea, or you won’t stay consistent with the exercise regiment you’ve planned out for more than a few days. So maybe you’ll see some progress on the weight loss because you have changed a few things, but if you’re not really focused on, committed to, and actively participating in your weight loss program you won’t really lose the weight you thought you wanted to lose initially.

The same question can be applied to countless topics: how serious are you about finding a new job? How serious are you about learning a new skill? Do you really have a goal with what you’re doing or are you just aimlessly wandering around? Are you really considering the impact of your actions on your future? Will your actions bring you to the future you want? Are you just reacting or taking random actions and going to dig yourself a hole that you’ll never get out of? Did you really think things through before you said you got started? Have you thought about the snowball effect of what you’re doing?

It’s not healthy to be serious and focused every second of your life, but when we’re talking about physical or mental health, or weight loss, or fighting a war, or building a lasting relationship, or having a world around for the future generations, there are aspects of your life that need to be taken seriously and the impact of your decisions really considered. Are you really serious about the things that matter most to you (do you know what really matters most to you?)? Do you need to be a little more invested, focused and serious?

Victories Are Worth the Effort

If you’ve been reading the news or watching TV, or just hanging around the proverbial water cooler, recently you’ve probably heard about the big winter sporting event happening right now with representatives from around the world: the winter Olympics. I haven’t watched many of the events, but I have kept my ears open to hear about the events, the competitors and any other happenings related to them. One of the things I’ve heard discussed several times is about age and time. At least one competitor had been dreaming about being in the Olympics since they were a young child, and now in their late 20’s they’re there. Several competitors have overcome serious injury or illness to be part of this year’s events. Some of them are considered “old” to be competing, and yet they’re racing and even getting medals. Some have been at more than 4 winter Olympics. Some are finally back at this level of competition after trying to get back after more than 15 years.

At the end of January I shared a post about how age matters less for some things, that we shouldn’t give up on our dreams or on doing things just because we’re getting older (or are “old” by society’s standards). Hearing all these stories about the different athletes at the winter Olympics is another reminder that you’re never too young to start working on something, you’ve always got a chance to make a comeback if you put in the time and effort, and sometimes it does take decades for you to achieve something incredible like attending the Olympics in the first place. But each and every one of them has made some incredible sacrifices to get to this point. They’ve given up things without any guarantee that they would get to the Olympics this year, let alone win.

But even with all the sacrifices and uncertainty, with each and every story you hear, you know how much they love what they do. Of course all of us toy with big dreams, but most of us don’t truly love those dreams or what it would take to get to those dreams. But these men and women are excited about what they do, they’re experts in their field and thankful to be living the incredible life and having this opportunity to compete. They’re committed to doing the best they can for themselves and for the country they represent as well. They’re also there to support and celebrate with their fellow athletes.

Sometimes love comes with sacrifices. Sometimes it’s a long and challenging journey. But if it’s really love, it’s worth it. If it’s really your victory to achieve, you’ll have the dream, drive, passion, attitude, patience, support team, and ability. You’ll also be willing to go big knowing that you may not make it and you may fail, because yes, the experience itself is worth it, and beyond that of course fulfilling your great victory, your biggest dream, is worth it.

Reality Reflection: The Choice of Growth

So the other day I was with a friend and we were out in her garden and she was showing me around and we were picking up some weeds as we went along. Now, as I may have shared in the past I don’t have the greenest thumb, I’m usually able to keep plants alive for at least a time but they don’t always make it, and when it comes to weeds I’m happy to pull them but it’s unlikely that I’ll actually pull out the roots, I don’t have the magic touch for whatever reason. So as we wandered I reflected on the weeds and how talented, if you will, they are at growing. Every growing season they reappear and they keep growing all season long. They don’t usually struggle with growth like some other plants do and you don’t even really have to tend them like we do the other things we grow, they’re happy with sun and water and warmth.

One of the big concepts for every living thing on the planet is growth. Physically, we grow from babies to adults, we grow food, and we grow materials we need (and put those materials together in different ways, sometimes with heat and chemicals). But humans also grow mentally throughout their lives typically, we’re usually a lot smarter by the time we die than we are when we’re born. And yet one of the things that challenges us greatly throughout our lives is growth. So where’s the disconnect between being born to grow and struggling with growth?

I think one of the things may be that we’re not only designed to grow, we’re also designed to have the ability to choose. Weeds don’t really make choices about growing, that’s all they do. But we have to decide if we’re going to grow, how we’re going to get the resources we need to grow, if we’ve got the support to grow, if it’s the right time to grow and dozens of other little factors that all have the potential to trip us up as we try to grow. Of course, I greatly appreciate being able to make choices in life, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not frustrating when it’s not as easy to grow as we think it should be. And while our ability to choose isn’t going away, maybe the first and most important choice we have to make is to choose to grow. What will you choose the next time you have the opportunity to grow?

Reality Reflection: Second Guessing

I’ve been thinking about second guessing this week. Just about every one of us does this when we make a big decision (like buying a house or moving to a new country). We do this when we do something that’s out of character for us (like agreeing to a blind date or agreeing to foster a dog with a bunch of brand new puppies). We do this when we’re stuck in a hard place (like knowing where the line is to give constructive criticism on a performance review or we’re trying to make good financial decisions when the money just isn’t there). We do this when something bad happens and we wonder if there was another way we could have done things or why someone made the decision they did or if we could have done anything to help someone.

There are many different reasons why we second guess ourselves, and even the most confident of us second guess ourselves from time to time. It can be scary to think about all the ways we can fail or let ourselves down if we make the wrong decision. Even though we know few decisions are risks that will truly destroy us or others, we still struggle with them because we don’t like to fail and let ourselves or others down. It’s frustrating to make decisions that end up forcing us to redo stuff or start over. We like taking steps forward, not steps back.

Second guessing is one of the reasons why it’s advisable to sleep on decisions before we commit to one direction or the other. Sleeping on something helps to take some of the emotion out of the decision or discussion, gives you the ability to find other angles to approach things from, or helps you find peace with the direction you’re thinking of taking or discussion you’re going to have. No, it doesn’t work in all situations, but it does help with many of them.

The next challenge, and the one that I’m especially thinking on this week, is about accepting the move you made or words you used after you committed. Even if you slept on it and felt it was the right move to make or discussion to have, when all you hear is crickets or the response you get back isn’t what you wanted, it’s hard to stay at peace. Sometimes it’s just so big or so different that there needs to be some healing time and some time to get back to being confident in yourself and your capabilities. What are your tips or insights for second guessing and finding peace?

Reality Reflections: The Best Time To Start

For many of us, we’re approaching the one year anniversary of when we realized our world had completely changed thanks to the virus and subsequent pandemic declaration. Some of us were concerned in the months before March, but by mid to late March all of us realized something big had happened and we weren’t going to be able to move past this as easily as we do a big snowstorm. Sometimes those big snowstorms take a day or two for us to be able to return to normal, sometimes longer if it’s been severe and has damaged power systems, but usually it’s relatively quick. But as anyone who has ever been really sick or faced a really serious situation knows, sometimes you just don’t “bounce back” from that experience.

I was reading a financial article the other day and in it they talked about one of those concepts that is often applied to finances but can be applied to other areas of our lives and world as well. It’s the concept of ‘the best time to do x was y years ago, but the second best time is now.’ Yes, the best thing we could have done is be prepared for our financial and health and global systems for something like this years ago since we weren’t in a war and the world was running relatively smoothly, and yet we didn’t. There are many people applying this concept to our world and climate as well, that based on how some people treat the resources we have here, we may run out some day soon or do permanent damage to our world that we can’t reverse (and our futures will be at risk).

90% of the time I agree that there was always a better time in the past to get something started, but we don’t always have the resources or ability to start when we really should start. And at least a small percentage of the time we do start when we should but unexpected complications arise and we either lose the ground we’ve gained or have to stop gaining ground for a while.

So is there something you should be starting this month, especially as we come up on the one year anniversary of this most recent challenge in our lives? Is there something you had to pause when this challenge started and you want to figure out a way to get back to where you were going? I encourage you to make some time this month to really make plans and prepare for whatever your future holds, especially the things that you want to be in it.

Starting with a Commitment

As I’ve been thinking about how we can learn from this whole experience of 2020 and the experiences that people have had in the past, of course one individual that came to mind was Job, who experienced some spectacular challenges and experienced more loss in a short time than most of us do in a lifetime. I’ve lately been reading through the book of Jeremiah, and he was given some less-than-awesome tasks to do as part of getting the word out about God and getting people to take an honest look at their lives. But one of the verses that came to my inbox today was about the individual and story of Ruth. I’ve shared about her before many times during our spiritual posts, but she’s a worthy figure to look at for our victory post today as well.

If you haven’t read her story lately or ever, you can go do that here, it’s just 4 chapters long. But the short version is that the story starts with a famine in the land, Ruth gets married, doesn’t have any kids before her husband dies, she chooses to go with her mother-in-law back to where her mother-in-law is from (and she herself knows no one), does hard work at a farm type place, gets sent on a rather risky blind date of sorts, ends up married to the guy and has kids (she’s part of the genealogy of Jesus), and they all live happily ever after.

It’s a lot like the story that many of us are facing with losing our family members unexpectedly to the virus, facing unprecedented job loss and industry closures, and facing illnesses that we’ve never dealt with before. There have been some positives throughout the year, but most of them happened because we were able to work through or overcome the challenges we were experiencing. Some of us have discovered through this year’s challenges exactly how capable we really are, some of us have been extremely challenged by the loss of control and normalcy and have struggled to even keep up with the basics of life, and others of us have been able to rely on the strong foundation of hope, support, community, and commitment that we’ve made over the years both to others and to ourselves.

The commitment we make to ourselves and to others can often be the key that helps victories happen. Most victories aren’t the smooth, straightforward journey we would like them to be, rather they’re full of twists, turns, failures, delays and confusion. I don’t know anyone who would really like to live the challenges that Ruth, Job or Jeremiah experienced. No one chooses to lose family members they love or face what seem like insurmountable losses. But Job chose to be committed and faithful to himself and God, and Ruth committed to God and her mother-in-law and herself. It’s those commitments that gave them the courage and strength to make some really tough choices and push through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff.

I encourage you to choose to commit to yourself, as well as those in your life that matter most to you like God and some/all of your family/friends. It may be the difference maker that helps you get to your victories this week, or at least helps you get a strong step or two closer.

“But Ruth said, “Do not ask me to abandon or forsake you! For wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge, your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”” Ruth 1:16