Why Autumn Leaves Fall in Spring

Have you noticed autumn leaves on the ground scattered among the new bits of green growth starting to pop up? Or seen them dancing down the street with a spring breeze? It something that happens every spring where I live. Why does it happen? Because some trees don’t shed all of their leaves before the winter snows (or during them), but when the new growth starts to happen in the spring, that growth pushes the old leaves out to make room for the new ones. It’s yet another Mother Nature experience that can teach us so many different lessons for our lives and in our victory journeys. But the one I want to focus on is one that you might have missed when you see the autumn leaves in the spring or didn’t catch in my sharing, I know I did for many years. The lesson is simply that it’s OK to need some help.

I’m sure that the trees aren’t thinking as I shared here, but it must feel good to be able to release those last few leaves that just weren’t going anywhere from the previous growing season, especially since it’s making room for new growth and new beautiful green leaves. After all, it would look pretty funny if among all the bright, new green leaves there were dry, brown ones just hanging out too. So God designed it that if a tree didn’t lose all the leaves in the previous autumn drop, the tree would get a little help from the new leaves growing in. It’s not about a tree not having done their job in the autumn or over the winter, but God saying that the did the job it was supposed to do, and He put in place a little extra support for the spring to make sure that the tree has the best chance for growth and health in the new growing season. If trees could talk I’m sure they’d say something along the lines of “thank you for having my back and helping me start strong.”

How do you approach or perceive help that comes along in your life? Do you see it as someone saying that you’re incompetent or not capable enough or as the helping hand there to help you be your best and thrive in life? As the classic song says “I get by with a little help from my friends.” As much as our victory journeys are ours alone, very little in life today is truly 100% dependent on us. I’d say that more than 90% of the time we’re always succeeding or even living with the help of something or someone even if it seems like it’s all us. For example if you were to wash the dinner dishes, you might be doing it all on your own, but you’re doing it with the help of a sponge or rag, the water piped into your home, maybe the light in your ceiling so you can see to make sure they’re clean, a towel or stand to let them dry, and of course some soap! So as much as you’re doing it all by yourself, many other people who you will never know or directly connect with helped you emerge from the kitchen victorious and with clean dishes. The sooner we accept that it’s healthy to be part of a team and be supported on our victories, the easier it will become to ask for help we need when we need it, and the quicker we’ll incorporate support into our victory plans which will help us accomplish our victories more confidently, quicker and with less stress. Sometimes leaves fall in the spring, and sometimes we need a little help to get to our next milestone or grow a little more too. What help are you thankful for in your life?

Reality Reflection: Explanations Matter

Often with my business clients I talk about the importance of context and details because frequently it’s those things that make or break a sale or mean your marketing will be successful or a complete waste of resources. In the rest of the world, yes, the context and details matter, but often what impacts us more is about the explanation that is or isn’t given as to why something does/doesn’t work, does/doesn’t matter, does/doesn’t happen, is/isn’t necessary, or we should or shouldn’t care about something.

For example my partner is a big baseball fan and the other day the recording of his game started 4 innings in and neither of us could understand why it would start recording late. Historically sometimes games aren’t taped the whole way through because they go into extra innings which happen after the recording time was set to end, but we couldn’t remember this ever happening and it was frustrating. As I was thinking about it after the fact I remembered that there were a bunch of other games on before that game and thought about the possibility of what if one of those games went to extra innings and the game he wanted to watch wasn’t available on the network until then? As it turns out, that is exactly what had happened, and it made a whole lot more sense and we felt a lot better about why those first innings were missing.

Explanations aren’t necessarily about justifying things, although sometimes we do try to give explanations to help people understand why we made the decisions we did or why we thought it was the right thing to do even if it wasn’t. The real goal of giving an explanation to something is for the person we’re talking with to have a better chance of understanding the why’s and what’s behind something. It also creates an opportunity for something to be said in a way that someone can understand that they might not have picked up on with our initial statement. For example: Why do people get a babysitter for a family-friendly wedding? Because kids aren’t able to last as long as adults do at events nor stay up as late as weddings usually go. Why do people make lists before they go to the grocery store? So they make sure to get everything they need so they don’t have to shop every day and have time to do other things or don’t have to spend the time/money on gas and travel. Why are instructions given on diets? Because it’s been proven that they work when they’re done in a certain order or follow a certain structure, and not following those instructions means you’re not as likely to be successful with the weight loss or other goals you may have. And often even people ask for something to be done in a certain way because it’s the way that makes it easiest for them to pick up the project and move forward with it rather than being overwhelmed by it or feel like they have to start over.

Don’t be afraid to ask for an explanation or give an explanation to help things run smoother and easier in your life and the lives of others. It may turn out that your explanation is what changes things from a scary or overwhelming or sketchy situation to one that has great potential and improves the relationship between you and the other person or people. Your explanation also may open up the opportunity for someone else to share their perspective and you both can learn something from the experience. And while you can write a book for the explanation, there’s nothing wrong with sharing your reasoning in a few short and sweet sentences.

Reality Reflection: Thinking Things Through

If you know me, you know I’m a big supporter of learning. No, I’m not totally supportive of the traditional schooling forms of learning and education as they stand today, but rather the overall concept of furthering your knowledge through intentional learning. As such I spend time watching TV shows that can teach me about sales and culture and human nature and I spend over an hour each day reading emails, articles and newsletters to educate me on a whole variety of topics including current events, economics, business and faith so that not only am I better educated personally, but I can better support my clients in whatever areas we work on.

Like many people I’ve been keeping an eye on the situation in Ukraine with Russia and one of the biggest issues I have with the whole thing (besides the loss of human life and culture), is the why. Pointing to past military conflicts like WWII or the US Civil War it’s really clear why they started and what the disagreement was, but there’s not been a clear statement on why the world is facing some really epic issues because of the decisions of the leader of Russia. If you’ve been following the situation since it started earlier this year we know that it hasn’t gone the way Russia thought it would go, it wasn’t the easy victory they were expecting, so now Russia is in a bit of a situation that they either try to save face and eventually win, or give up (or be defeated) and they’ll be in a bigger pickle. Going back to the topic of learning, I learned the other day that Russia’s economy isn’t great and hasn’t been great, which makes me wonder if this is a “strategic” effort to gain more resources and a better strategic economic position in the world.

Growing up one of the gifts I would get for Christmas were Matryoshka dolls. They’re works of art made of wood that are one doll nestled inside of the other, some with only a few dolls inside each and others with dozens in them, and they originated in Russia. Much like the Pysanky eggs made in Ukraine, the craftsmanship of the Amish people who live in Pennsylvania and other US states, Polish pottery, Moroccan arts and crafts, and other hand crafted treasures specific to countries around the world, the Matryoshka dolls are an incredibly detailed creations that take creativity and craftsmanship.

Which brings me to the point: there have to be better ways to fix an economy for both the present and future than trying to invade another country and causing incredible loss of life in two countries. Sure, buying or copying an existing economic aspect that is successful (like buying a business or becoming a franchisee) is an option, and it’s been a viable option for practically as long as we’ve been doing business in the ways that we do. But there’s a partnership and agreement that takes place when those types of business transactions take place. Here, there’s just a whole lot of destruction which will negatively affect whomever tries to do business with those resources in that region for years to come. I’ve shared about one, and I’m sure that there are other economic prospects for Russia, so who thought that military action would be the best way to boost an economy?

And the tie-in to our lives? It’s a reminder that there’s always more than one way to go about things: a “who cares” stubborn-and-often-blind option and the I’ve-thought-things-through option (which actually tends to be more than one option typically too). Sure you could yell at your partner about something, sure you could fire an employee, sure you could punish your kid, but do you really have all the information, is that going to be the best option for you and them for both the present and future, and what’s your plan if that action doesn’t get you the result you’re looking for? So take the time to learn, don’t forget that the world isn’t static but that it changes and develops constantly, and remember that you’re not alone in life.

God’s Team Player

One of the most important lessons that God wants us to learn as His children is that we’re to be part of His team. Yes, that means that we’ve got people who are part of the Church that we can learn from, turn to and rely on when we’re struggling. Yes, it means that we can talk with God when we’ve got things we’re struggling with, when people are on our hearts, when we have awesome things happen and when we’re in need. But I think that Jesus’ visit would have looked very different if God wasn’t about team. What do I mean? I think Jesus would have come down all conquering hero and and revealed Himself to be who He is in a very real and obvious way (kind of what we now assume the Second Coming will look like). But that’s not what happened. Instead, Jesus came down to Earth and lived as both man and God among us doing both the very normal including eating and sleeping to the very Divine from forgiving sins to feeding thousands.

So going back to being part of a team, specifically God’s team, what does that mean? It means that sometimes God wants us to take the first step before He shows us the path, sometimes God wants us to talk with someone before they share what’s on their heart or ask about God, sometimes God wants you to do the hands on work of building or moving or creating. Why? Because while He can, God isn’t going to do all the work of making miracles happen, bringing people to Christ or resolving the problems in our world.

There are a couple of really important things to realize about this. First, it means that we can’t get all stuck up and lazy about what it means to be a Christian, because pretty much every time we’re going to have to get off our butts to get stuff done. We also can’t act all superior because God isn’t going to just make life a breeze for us so we can skip the challenges that the rest of the world experiences. Second, it gives us the opportunity to build a relationship with God. You have a much stronger relationship with people who all pull their own weight or are actively involved in the work with you than you do with people who just hand you stuff or walk in and out of your life in a matter of minutes. Third, it shows how much God cares about each of us. God won’t ask us to do something we physically can’t do as humans (like part the Red Sea or turn stones into bread) but He will ask us to do something we can do like hand out bread or raise our hands or take a walk or sing a song or build a house. Of course, along with those very human actions usually is a great amount of faith that God will work through those human actions and do the amazing things that need to happen.

So how have you been doing recently as a team player on God’s team? Have you been pulling your weight or at least been giving it the effort that has been asked of you? If you haven’t been doing your part, there’s a good chance God’s been waiting for you to step up, and there’s no day like today to do what God is asking of you, however simple it may seem.

Reality Reflection: In this Together

I talk often about the power of being part of a community. Whether it’s the diversity of knowledge and support a child benefits from when they’re raised by not just their immediate family but by a greater community as well, the fullness of life we experience by exploring cultures and other parts of the world instead of just staying in our little box of known experiences and places, or the way we’re able to have and do so much more than any other time in civilization, community is essential.

Community also matters when times are tough, and time and again I’m so impressed by the way people open their arms and wallets to let others know that they’re not alone. Whether it’s a child’s school fundraiser, walk for suicide prevention, “barn raising” to put homes together or clean up after a natural disaster, or prayers and a couch to sleep on, time and again we see people step up for those in their community.

But the only way community works is if we each put in what we can. I know it seems impossible to believe that your drop in the bucket really makes a difference, but all those drops add up. You’ve probably seen the text on Wikipedia inviting you to donate just the cost of a cup of coffee, and you wonder how that money can really help (and why you would make the effort). But the reality is that yes, with just $3 donations from more people, those who manage the site would have a little peace each month knowing that their expenses are covered and they’re being supported and appreciated for the work they do. The same is true for the larger scale of things too. You may not think much of stopping at the local bakery or florist, or hiring a babysitter or life/business/health coach but even your small investments of a muffin or flowers or night out with your partner or support to grow means that someone else can feed their family another meal, or buy their kid new shoes, or contribute to a fund for new glasses or a necessary surgery.

I love that the world we live in allows us to contribute in so many different ways, ways that are perfect for each of us. We don’t all have to be farmers or blacksmiths or bakers or builders or doctors because that’s what’s most needed to keep everyone alive and surviving, we can contribute in our own way with dance or baseball or travel blogging or photography or raising guide dogs or financial advising or updating websites. But this world only works if and when we do make that contribution, and recognize the importance of the contribution that others bring. So as we enter this new month of May I encourage you to think about the little ways you can support other people in your physical and virtual community, because the world we all imagine and dream about living in can only happen if we keep moving forward together.

Leading with God

The other day I was watching one of my favorite Christian worship songs from the past few years, featuring the singer Jared Anderson: Great I Am (2020). It’s a song with lyrics that have been around for decades, if not longer, but this version has a bit of an update for 2020, a refresh if you will. As I was watching the video I was reminded of something that struck me back when I first watched it, and that’s how little Jared is actually featured or leading. He starts off the song, but then he’s part of the group and not a lead singer. Which is exactly the challenge every leader faces, and really defines the great leaders from those who are average: knowing when to be in front and when to let other people do their best work.

Have you heard this story in Acts 8 about an interaction between Philip and an Ethiopian Eunuch? The story goes that God puts Phillip in contact with this Eunuch who is reading the Bible but as Phillip finds out, he really doesn’t understand it. So Phillip doesn’t send him to the closest temple or worship center, he leads the Eunuch into the story of faith and as a result the Eunuch asks to be baptized and accepts Jesus into his life and heart.

God gives each of us opportunities to lead. Sometimes they’re big and sometimes they’re small. Sometimes we lead by getting the ball rolling and then are just there to support and encourage. Sometimes it’s a national or even world-sized stage, other times it’s a backyard or park bench or social media group. Sometimes it’s not about being the most famous leader, but about being the leader that God has selected and positioned for such a time as this. The thing to remember is that when God asks you to lead, He believes in you and your ability to be exactly who is needed exactly at this time and for this purpose. And ironically? When you lead then, all you have to do is follow God’s lead.

Reality Reflection: A Valentine’s Day for You

On Monday we arrive at the special day of the year that some people absolutely hate: Valentine’s Day. I get it, some relationships crash and burn so spectacularly that “crash and burn” is like saying Antarctica is cold in winter. But one of the reasons why I think some relationships die in such epic fashion is because we weren’t ready for love. I’ve shared before that I don’t really like the term ‘relationship’ for couples because, let’s be honest, I have a relationship with the dogs in my life, with my clients, with my neighbors and their cute little boy, with the lady and her dog across the street, with my family, with my tea and coffee cups (and the beverages that go in them), and few of those relationships match up with the relationship I have with my significant other. My relationship with him and the relationship I see between some couples is much better described as a partnership than simply a relationship. It’s why I often use the terms ‘partner’ or ‘significant other’ to elevate the importance, strength and teamwork of individuals in a true partnership relationship.

But back to the discussion for today: I don’t believe you can be in a true partnership if you don’t love yourself first. Valentine’s Day does officially celebrate the love of two people, but I think that love has to exist in each person for themselves before they can really carry their weight (and sometimes the weight of the other person) in a partnership. The good news is that love isn’t about being perfect, no one is perfect and no relationship is all sunshine and beaches, in fact some of the biggest keys in a successful love story are the ability to forgive and the ability to accept and even love someone despite things that other people might see as flaws or problems.

In fact, loving yourself and your partner are a combination of loving and accepting who you (both) are in this moment and anticipating the bigger and better things that are down the road. As I was reminded by the tag on my tea bag the other day: “Accept who you are in this moment and acknowledge who you want to become.” Maybe this is the best gift you can give yourself and your partner if you have one this Valentine’s Day: to accept where you are, love who you are and be excited for all that the future which is built on love holds. Give yourself a break from being stressed out about having or not having a partner, and instead focus on the love of yourself (and your partner) and let Valentine’s Day be a day that you commit to choosing love for yourself (and your partner). Celebrate all the things you love about yourself and them, and let Valentine’s Day be the beginning of another year in which your love grows and your partnership becomes stronger and more supportive for each of you.

Compound Victories

One of the hardest but most important things to do in life is accept that every day presents challenges. Some of us have a harder time accepting this than others, but when we are able to accept that life comes with challenges, losses, failures, hurts and struggles, oddly I think we’re able to be more optimistic, have a better attitude towards life, and do better with facing and working through those challenges (even if they take many days to work through). While I don’t know that we’ve really rounded the curve on this 2 year pandemic, especially with as much as is still unknown at this point, but with the change of the calendar to this new year, in some ways I’m feeling more hopeful, and even more exciting, I’m seeing more victories in the lives of people after two years of many struggles and too few victories.

There are authors who are finally writing again, teachers finding the joy of teaching again, people getting settled into new jobs they’re enjoying, world explorers getting to explore again, communities supporting each other as well as celebrating the successes people are having, and even some companies having settled into a rhythm with product stock finally. You’ve probably been hearing about how many animal shelters and other animal related charities are receiving donations (which is awesome) after the death of Betty White on December 31, but what really inspired me today was hearing a story that reminded me there is good in so many corners of the world, even those you don’t expect to find them in, such as the competitive sports world. I feel like I’ve heard about it before, but today the story came across my desk about the Chiefs fans donating to a hospital in the NY region where the Buffalo Bills are from (for some context, the Chiefs defeated the Bills in football this past weekend). The article shares that this isn’t the first time a team’s fans have donated after a big game. The donations aren’t about the publicity, but to do good (and of course poke a little fun).

One of the important things to note in the article is that people aren’t donating thousands of dollars (although the total is in the thousands), they’re less than $20 donations. It’s a reminder that you don’t have to do big things all by yourself, but be part of or start something that will lead to bigger things. For example you don’t have to have thousands to put into stocks or bonds or a retirement account, start with what little you can. You don’t have to organize your whole house in a day (or week), start with one part of one room at a time. You don’t have to conquer all your emails at once, start with one folder or one week’s emails. You don’t have to write up all your marketing content for the month at once, you can write a little at a time (like one blog post or newsletter each day/week). You don’t have to grow your network from dozens to thousands in one day, you can (authentically) connect with one new person each day. You don’t have to be healthier all in one day, you can start with one snack, meal, exercise or choice. But maybe the most important thing to remember is that often we can’t go from zero to 100 in one effort, it takes time, but eventually you will see big results from what seem like small efforts. So don’t rush, but instead put in consistent effort to create consistent victories each and every day. What small victory will you accomplish in your world today, and can you add a small victory to the efforts that someone else is doing to make their victory bigger?

A Question of Confidence

I was working with a family the other day and one of the children brought home a report from one of those standardized tests that they have to take (and many of us don’t have fond memories of when we took them ourselves), and from what we could figure out the child tested above average for their age/grade. This wasn’t a surprise to me, because I know how smart the child is regardless of how young they are. But they were very surprised (and excited!) to find they were above average.

It got me thinking about how much we doubt ourselves, and how much of a slippery slope doubt can be. Mental health has been an increasingly public conversation in recent years, something I’m very thankful for because I believe that there’s only a small section of the population of the world that has not or won’t go through a period of mental struggle. Whether you face it as a teen, after a divorce, when you’re facing domestic violence, when you come back from war and are struggling to adjust and deal with PTSD (not to mention any physical challenges), after your spouse of 40 years dies, when your kids face a drug addiction, when you lose a job you’ve had for years, or maybe there isn’t anything you can directly connect the mental struggle to, but at one or more points in our life most of us face it.

While I do believe it’s important to believe in yourself and to be confident in yourself, I also know that there’s an incredible difference that can be made with a helping hand, kind word or friend to sit next to. How does a bright child doubt their smarts? Because people aren’t telling them how great they’re doing or how proud of them they are for all the hard work they’re doing. The same slippery slope appears at work and in relationships when there’s no communication, no encouragement, no support, no positive reinforcement.

When was the last time you told someone how proud of them you are, and exactly why you’re proud of them? When was the last time you thanked someone for being as smart/brave/creative/sweet/considerate/patient/organized as they are? Whether you make the opportunity today to thank or support a veteran for their service on this Veteran’s Day, I hope that you’ll make the effort to let someone else know that you recognize the victories they’ve created and how awesome they are.

Showing Love to Those Who Serve

This week on Thursday we celebrate, honor and remember the men and women who have sacrificed their lives in one way or another for our country. Over the hundreds of years that the US has been a country and since George Washington was a leader, thousands if not millions of men and women have put their lives on the line to protect the rest of us as well as everything that our country stands for. Not all of them wore official military uniforms or fought in wars, some were on the battlefields tending to the injured or helping to care for the children that were left behind, and in one way or another war touches all of us.

War isn’t something new, it’s been happening practically since the beginning of time, the Pharaohs from Genesis and Exodus had armies, and there are many other stories of war and fighting throughout the Bible, not to mention the wars since the Bible was completed, including two world wars. So war and soldiers are something that is an enduring part of our world, and probably always will be, at least until Jesus comes back. As I was thinking about Veteran’s Day, war and soldiers I read 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 which says: “Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.”

I wanted to share this verse this week because I think it really sums up what Veteran’s Day is about. Veteran’s Day is an opportunity to recognize the men and women who have been on guard, who have stood firm, been courageous, and been strong for our country. It’s these men and women, and by extension their families, that we’re remembering and honoring on Thursday. I always say that it doesn’t matter whether you agree with whatever war or fighting is going on, as a person who lives in the country, the right thing to do is to give these men and women as much support as we possibly can. And one of the best ways we can honor and support them is through love. Show them love by supporting charities and non profits that give back to them, show them love by contacting organizations and politicians to encourage them to speak up and make movements that will help get more veterans more of the support they need, and show love by not disrespecting them or the work they tried so hard to do regardless of the outcome. How will you show love to a veteran and their family this week?